And amid rapturous cheering the Acting President of the N.U.H. waved above his curly head the keys of the dungeons which Ben Nevis had expected to be brought him with his coffee that night of the Twelfth of August.

“We shall enlist volunteers to-night. The Secretary will take the names of all who are able and willing to join in this tremendous manifestation of Youth, Freedom and Democracy against the forces of Reaction and Fascism (boohs and catcalls). I know that many of you have already taken your holidays for this year. Those of you who have will regret their inability to share in the fight like the gentlemen who King Harry said would regret being absent from the glorious field of Agincourt. Those of you who have not yet taken your annual holiday will rejoice, I know, to avail yourselves of the opportunity that presents itself to strike a blow for Youth, Freedom and Democracy. And do not let our young Joan of Arcs hold back. We want the army that marches against MacDonald of Ben Nevis to be truly representative of our great Union. I have myself cancelled my berth for a month’s pleasure cruise in the Mediterranean in order that I may devote the whole of my holiday to making this roystering bully bite the dust. (Loud and long cheers.) No doubt Mr MacDonald expected our injured members would meekly sue him in a court of law. No doubt he expected to counter-sue for trespass and damage to his property. I venture to prophesy that we shall surprise him by our prompt and resolute action. I do not propose and you will not ask me to give you the details of our campaign. When we can estimate the strength of which we can dispose I shall call a council of war. I hope that within a week the vanguard of our Expeditionary Force can march.

“I have little to add. This is a critical evening in the history of our great Union. I venture to say that upon the response to my call for volunteers the whole future of hiking in this country depends. If we fail our glorious pastime, why then, the sooner we go back to bicycling the better.”

As he uttered this fearful taunt the Acting President of the N.U.H. thrust his forefinger at the audience as you may see it out-thrust in many a paper to demand your attention for the merits of the Little Songster. Then he slowly and gravely lowered his arm and, after bowing to Lord Buntingdon, resumed his seat.

The President rose.