‘Really? She doesn’t even know what to do with a baby, Brian. I don’t think that’s a good idea.’

‘I think you need to go and see her, and your dad. They were great with him yesterday – not as incompetent as you like to think.’

‘I don’t like to think that. I’m only going on what I’ve seen, the actual evidence.’ Her hackles were up, an immediate response when Brian tried to take her parents’ side over hers.

‘Give her a chance, Lou. Life’s too short.’

He was right – on every count. And as it was, she was glad that she didn’t have to cope with Noah at the church. The entire service was already going to be one of the most difficult things she’d have to go through, and having a crying baby would only compound that.

‘Sure. What time are you taking him over there?’

Louisa noted the subtle raise in Brian’s eyebrows. ‘We. We are taking him over at twelve.’ He smiled.

‘Okay. Conceded. We’ll take him. But I’m not going in – I’ll pass him over at the door. One step at a time.’ Louisa handed Brian a mug of tea.

‘Thanks,’ he said absently. ‘Good. That’s settled then. Are you doing all right?’ He looked over the top of his mug as he took a sip of tea, his eyes doleful.

The question threw her off balance for a second. No. She was nowhere close to being all right. But she knew she had to get through this day. Once it was over, she could make a start on rebuilding her life.

‘If I’m honest, I just want today to be over with. We can all call it a celebration of her life and laugh and reminisce about our memories with her, but the reality is, it’s going to be a hideous day where all I’m thinking is what a waste of a life, and what I should’ve done – how I could’ve saved her. I don’t see any reason to celebrate.’

‘I know. I’m with you. It’s easier when the person is old and had a good, long life. But when they die too young, when they had so much more to give, well, that’s a travesty. But you know, she really would want you to celebrate her life, not feel guilty and mourn her.’

‘There’s so much more to this, though, isn’t there – it’s not a simple process to work through. Grief, guilt, love, hate, regret – all tied up in a fuck-off-big messy, tight knot. It’s going to take a lot of time and effort to undo it.

‘Wow, Lou. Deep,’ Brian said.