I imagined lifting my mouth to Sid’s. Heat rushed into my cheeks.

Aden touched my warm face. His anger relented into affection. “You’re so pretty when you blush,” he said. “I understand if you feel shy sometimes. I know that girls do. There are men who take advantage, but I never will.”

But you are, I wanted to say. You are using what you know to keep me in place, right by your side. You don’t even know you’re doing it, and I am too afraid to say what you’re doing, because of what you might do to me.

“I can’t help wanting you,” he said, “and I get carried away, yes, but it’s only because I love you. Do you hear me? Nirrim, I want to marry you.”

My body went very still. “You do?”

He smiled. “You don’t believe me?”

Dread unspooled in my belly like black thread. “We’re too young.”

“You’re nineteen! Half the Ward is engaged or married by then.”

“I…” I searched for a reason that would make him not want me. “I don’t want children.”

“We don’t have to have them right away. You already take the anys,” he said, referring to the herb Raven gave me monthly to prevent pregnancy. It was illegal in the Ward, where the prevention or termination of pregnancy resulted in prison, but I couldn’t imagine having a child, especially not when children could be snatched in the night.

“What if I never want one?” I said.

He waved a dismissive hand. “All women want children at some point. You’ll make a wonderful mother. Our babies will have your beautiful green eyes.”

“Aden, I came here to tell you that I’m leaving the Ward.” I explained quickly, my voice rising as though I were trying to talk over him, but he was silent, face growing stony with displeasure.

“A month,” he repeated. “In the High quarter. With that foreign woman.”

“It’s the chance of a lifetime.”

He shook his head, looking out a window at the wall. In the sun it looked as white as salt. “You already think you’re too good for me.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I just asked you to marry me, and it’s like I said nothing at all. Can you imagine how that feels? Gods, Nirrim, why don’t you think about someone other than yourself for once?”

That felt unfair, but I couldn’t explain why, especially when his accusation sounded reasonable. I felt a twinge of guilt. I knew what it was like to want someone who didn’t want me back. I would feel so wounded, so small if I were him. “I’m sorry,” I said, and meant it.

“Have you even rationally considered this? You will be completely at that woman’s mercy.”

“She’s not a monster. She just needs a servant.”