I removed two dresses from my wardrobe, a sleeveless one for hot weather, and one for cooler weather, just in case an ice wind came. The dresses were made of good, sturdy cloth—a little rough, and in shades of taupe and dark brown, but I was used to them, and I didn’t want to have to ask Sid for anything.

“Nirrim, no. They make you look like you’ve been molded out of clay!”

“They suit me.” I folded them into a large satchel.

She blew out a wistful breath. “I wish I were going.”

I looked up in surprise from my task, though I shouldn’t have been surprised, because I had always believed that out of all of us who worked in the tavern, she wanted the impossible the most. Maybe what surprised me was that it had turned out that I was the one. I had wanted the impossible—to go into the High quarter—and I was getting it. And it wasn’t the only impossible thing I wanted. Maybe what made me pause was the realization that wanting one impossible thing and achieving it is only a little satisfying, because then you are encouraged to want more. I touched the Elysium feather hidden above my heart. I remembered how I had wondered whether the feather drew me to Sid, or Sid to me.

“I want you to have something,” I told Annin, and withdrew the feather from my dress.

She gasped. “Is that—?”

“Here.” Held aloft in my fingers, the feather looked like a billowing flame.

“I can’t. It’s too beautiful. How can you even bear to touch it?”

I tucked it in her hair behind her ear. Annin reached up gingerly to touch it with her fingertips.

I said, “I don’t want you to think that a stranger, just because she’s High, can give you better gifts than a sister.”

“A sister?” Her eyes widened. “Really?”

“Really.”

“I will miss you,” she said.

This made me feel guilty—not because I wouldn’t miss her, but because she didn’t know that I had given her the feather not so much as a gift, but to be rid of it. I did half believe that it had some power to pull Sid toward me. Why else had she agreed to my demand?

At the time, I believed I was giving Annin the feather so that, if it had any power, it would no longer affect me. It would no longer affect Sid. She would be my mistress and I would be her servant, and we would be partners in a strange quest. I would never long for anything more, without that burning feather above my heart.

Now I know that it was more complicated than that. I gave away the feather because I wanted to see if Sid would like me without it. I wanted her to want me for myself alone.

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