APPARENTLY, TO Rowan’s relief, twenty-four hours is enough for them both to cool off from their tense exchange. Their regular texting starts back up again on Tuesday night with a text from Mal:

[MS] which one?

[MS] img03409.jpg img03410.jpg

He attaches two cropped screenshots of panties from a website Rowan doesn’t recognize—a black pair with crisscrossed straps in the back and a white pair with lace cutouts on the sides.

Rowan accepts the unconventional olive branch.

[RC] Black ones

[MS] thought so too

Rowan bites his lip, abandons his third rewatch of The Witcher, and stretches out on his couch. He types and retypes an explanation for his shitty remark the other day, but erases everything he types. Somehow, he doesn’t think I’m new to this is a good excuse. So, with a heavy exhale, he settles on:

[RC] Sorry, btw

[MS] yeah me too

The relief is instant, and the angry bubble in his chest finally pops in a completely lackluster way that makes Rowan wonder why it stuck around so long.

[MS] not used to not being in control

[RC] Thought that was kind of a given being a sub

[MS] giving over control and not being in control aren’t the same

[MS] think you know that by now

[RC] Yeah

He does. Mal allows him to take the reins when they’re together because he trusts Rowan enough to do so, but that’s a far cry from having no control over yourself. Rowan wants to ask him why it happened and if it had anything to do with the woman that Rowan treated the other day who may or may not be related to Mal, but he feels like their relationship is teetering on the edge of a cliff, too precarious to do anything that might send them plunging over the side.

If they’re ever going to get to that stage, Mal’s going to have to be the one that leads them there.

[RC] Just surprised me I guess

[RC] You’ve been doing this a long time

[MS] yeah well. surprised me too

[MS] not many firsts left to have at this point so

He doesn’t elaborate on the “so” at the end of his sentence, but Rowan’s brain is rattling around in his skull like a crash-test dummy’s. Because surely Mal can’t mean that was his first kiss?

[RC] Wait like your first first kiss??

The fact that his fingers have typed out and sent the message proves that the tact he’s been working on developing isn’t coming along as smoothly as he’d thought.

[MS] i’m 28 man not fuckin 15

[RC] That wasn’t a no…

[MS] christ

[MS] NO, my 1st kiss wasn’t with my fuckin dom in a sex induced haze

[MS] not gonna have the chastity pigs after you prince charming