Strikes table with his stick.

MRS. LEVI:

Goes masterfully to the cupboard—sweeps her umbrella around among the coats and closes each door as she does so.

Nonsense! There’s no man there. See! Miss Fay’s nerves have been playing tricks on her. Come now, let’s sit down again. What were you saying, Mr. Vandergelder?

They sit, MRS. MOLLOY right, MRS. LEVI center, VANDERGELDER left.

A sneeze is heard from the cupboard. They all rise, look towards cupboard, then sit again.

Well now . . .

Another tremendous sneeze.

With a gesture that says, “I can do no more”:

God bless you!

They all rise. MRS. MOLLOY stands with her back to the cupboard.

MRS. MOLLOY:

To VANDERGELDER:

Yes, there is a man in there. I’ll explain it all to you another time. Thank you very much for coming to see me. Good afternoon, Dolly. Good afternoon, Mr. Vandergelder.

VANDERGELDER:

You’re protecting a man in there!

MRS. MOLLOY:

With back to cupboard.

There’s a very simple explanation, but for the present, good afternoon.

BARNABY now sneezes twice, lifting the table each time. VANDERGELDER, right of table, jerks off the tablecloth. BARNABY pulls cloth under table and rolls himself up in it. MRS. MOLLOY picks up the box of chocolates, which has rolled on to the floor.

MRS. LEVI:

Lord, the whole room’s crawling with men! I’ll never get over it.

VANDERGELDER:

The world is going to pieces! I can’t believe my own eyes!

MRS. LEVI:

Come, Mr. Vandergelder. Ernestina Simple is waiting for us.

VANDERGELDER:

Finds his hat and puts it on.

Mrs. Molloy, I shan’t trouble you again, and vice versa.

MRS. MOLLOY is standing transfixed in front of cupboard, clasping the box of chocolates. VANDERGELDER snatches the box from her and goes out.

MRS. LEVI:

Crosses to her.

Irene, when I think of all the interesting things you have in this room!

Kisses her.

Make the most of it, dear.

Raps cupboard.

Good-by!

Raps on table with umbrella.

Good-by!

Exit MRS. LEVI.

MRS. MOLLOY opens door of cupboard. CORNELIUS steps out.

MRS. MOLLOY:

So that was one of your practical jokes, Mr. Hackl?

CORNELIUS:

No, no, Mrs. Molloy!

MRS. MOLLOY:

Come out from under that, Barnaby Tucker, you troublemaker!

She snatches the cloth and spreads it back on table. MINNIE enters.

There’s nothing to be afraid of, Minnie, I know all about these gentlemen.

CORNELIUS:

Mrs. Molloy, we realize that what happened here—

MRS. MOLLOY:

You think because you’re rich you can make up for all the harm you do, is that it?

CORNELIUS:

No, no!

BARNABY:

On the floor putting shoes on.

No, no!

MRS. MOLLOY:

Minnie, this is the famous Cornelius Hackl who goes round New York tying people into knots; and that’s Barnaby Tucker, another troublemaker.

BARNABY:

How d’you do?

MRS. MOLLOY:

Minnie, choose yourself any hat and coat in the store. We’re going out to dinner. If this Mr. Hackl is so rich and gay and charming, he’s going to be rich and gay and charming to us. He dines three nights a week at the Harmonia Gardens Restaurant, does he? Well, he’s taking us there now.