Rises.

No, it’s too wicked to tell you!

MRS. MOLLOY:

Oh yes, Dolly, tell it! Go on!

MRS. LEVI:

No. But it was Cornelius Hackl.

VANDERGELDER:

Loud.

It ain’t the same man. Where’d he get the money?

MRS. LEVI:

But he’s very rich.

VANDERGELDER:

Rises.

Rich! I keep his money in my own safe. He has a hundred and forty-six dollars and thirty-five cents.

MRS. LEVI:

Oh, Mr. Vandergelder, you’re killing me! Do come to your senses. He’s one of the Hackls.

MRS. MOLLOY sits at chair right of table where Mrs. Levi has been sitting.

VANDERGELDER:

The Hackls?

MRS. LEVI:

They built the Raritan Canal.

VANDERGELDER:

Then why should he work in my store?

MRS. LEVI:

Well, I’ll tell you.

Sits at the center of the table, facing the audience.

VANDERGELDER:

Striding about.

I don’t want to hear! I’ve got a headache! I’m going home. It ain’t the same man!! He sleeps in my bran room. You can’t get away from facts. I just made him my chief clerk.

MRS. LEVI:

If you had any sense you’d make him partner.

Rises, crosses to Mrs. Molloy.

Now Irene, I can see you were as taken with him as everybody else is.

MRS. MOLLOY:

Why, I only met him once, very hastily.

MRS. LEVI:

Yes, but I can see that you were taken with him. Now don’t you be thinking of marrying him!

MRS. MOLLOY:

Her hands on her cheeks.

Dolly! What are you saying! Oh!

MRS. LEVI:

Maybe it’d be fine. But think it over carefully. He breaks hearts like hickory nuts.

VANDERGELDER:

Who?

MRS. LEVI:

Cornelius Hackl!

VANDERGELDER:

Mrs. Molloy, how often has he called on you?

MRS. MOLLOY:

Oh, I’m telling the truth. I’ve only seen him once in my life. Dolly Levi’s been exaggerating so. I don’t know where to look!

Enter MINNIE from workroom and crosses to window.

MINNIE:

Excuse me, Mrs. Molloy. I must get together that order for Mrs. Parkinson.

MRS. MOLLOY:

Yes, we must get that off before closing.

MINNIE:

I want to send it off by the errand girl.

Having taken a hat from the window.

Oh, I almost forgot the coat.

She starts for the wardrobe.

MRS. MOLLOY:

Running to the wardrobe to prevent her.

Oh, oh! I’ll do that, Minnie!

But she is too late. MINNIE opens the right-hand cupboard door and falls back in terror, and screams:

MINNIE:

Oh, Mrs. Molloy! Help! There’s a man!

MRS. MOLLOY with the following speech pushes her back to the workroom door. MINNIE walks with one arm pointing at the cupboard. At the end of each of Mrs. Molloy’s sentences she repeats—at the same pitch and degree—the words: “There’s a man!”

MRS. MOLLOY:

Slamming cupboard door.

Minnie, you imagined it. You’re tired, dear. You go back in the workroom and lie down. Minnie, you’re a fool; hold your tongue!

MINNIE:

There’s a man!

Exit MINNIE to workroom.

MRS. MOLLOY returns to the front of the stage.

VANDERGELDER raises his stick threateningly.

VANDERGELDER:

If there’s a man there, we’ll get him out. Whoever you are, come out of there!