[ The following passage—also based on Molière—has generally been cut in performance:

VANDERGELDER:

I hope . . . hm . . . that she has some means, Mrs. Levi. I have a large household to run.

MRS. LEVI:

Ernestina? She’ll bring you five thousand dollars a year.

VANDERGELDER:

Eh! Eh!

MRS. LEVI:

Listen to me, Mr. Vandergelder. You’re a man of sense, I hope. A man that can reckon. In the first place, she’s an orphan. She’s been brought up with a great saving of food. What does she eat herself? Apples and lettuce. It’s what she’s been used to eat and what she likes best. She saves you two thousand a year right there. Secondly, she makes her own clothes—out of old table-cloths and window curtains. And she’s the best-dressed woman in Brooklyn this minute. She saves you a thousand dollars right there. Thirdly, her health is of iron—

VANDERGELDER:

But, Mrs. Levi, that’s not money in the pocket.

MRS. LEVI:

We’re talking about marriage, aren’t we, Mr. Vandergelder? The money she saves while she’s in Brooklyn is none of your affair—but if she were your wife that would be money. Yes, sir, that’s money.]

VANDERGELDER:

What’s her family?

MRS. LEVI:

Her father?—God be good to him! He was the best—what am I trying to say?—the best undertaker in Brooklyn, respected, esteemed. He knew all the best people—knew them well, even before they died. So—well, that’s the way it is.

Lowering her voice, intimately.

Now let me tell you a little more of her appearance. Can you hear me: as I say, a beautiful girl, beautiful, I’ve seen her go down the street—you know what I mean?—the young men get dizzy. They have to lean against lampposts. And she? Modest, eyes on the ground—I’m not going to tell you any more. . . . Couldn’t you come to New York today?

VANDERGELDER:

I was thinking of coming to New York this afternoon. . . .

MRS. LEVI:

You were? Well now, I wonder if something could be arranged—oh, she’s so eager to see you! Let me see . . .

VANDERGELDER:

Could I . . . Mrs. Levi, could I give you a little dinner, maybe?

MRS. LEVI:

Really, come to think of it, I don’t see where I could get the time. I’m so busy over that wretched lawsuit of mine. Yes. If I win it, I don’t mind telling you, I’ll be what’s called a very rich woman. I’ll own half of Long Island, that’s a fact. But just now I’m at my wit’s end for a little help, just enough money to finish it off. My wit’s end!

She looks in her handbag.

In order not to hear this, VANDERGELDER has a series of coughs, sneezes and minor convulsions.

But perhaps I could arrange a little dinner; I’ll see. Yes, for that lawsuit all I need is fifty dollars, and Staten Island’s as good as mine. I’ve been trotting all over New York for you, trying to find you a suitable wife.