The raven feather is as long as my forearm. I run a finger along the soft edge, as downy as the endlessly kissable spot at the back of a girl’s neck. I poke one finger with the slanted tip of the feather, almost expecting it to draw blood.

I look up. The ravens are part of the sky again. And I’m part of whatever is happening down here. The feather is mine because the ravens gave it to me, because Lelia thought I should have it, because there is magic inside of me, waiting to be used.

It feels like a part of myself that I tried to put in a box is tumbling over and pouring out. Now that the need for a dowsing rod is awake in my heart, I won’t be able to rest until I have the whole thing.

I kiss Lelia three times, swiftly, the way she kissed the feather. Thank you, thank you, thank you. My lips land on her cheek the first two times, and then she turns her face to me and I catch her tart pink lips.

Danny: One Year Ago

At the beginning of junior year, a day came when I woke up feeling — not wrong, but raw. Like all of the colors in the world had been sharpened to a painful brightness, and the air had the convincing weight of a hand, tugging on my skin.

During fourth-period study hall, I sneaked into the control booth for lights and sound in the auditorium to make out with Hallie Carpenter. She was supposed to be wearing drunk goggles in health class, and instead I was spinning her endlessly in one of those chairs that plummets when you find the lever.

She laughed when I told her I wanted to hang out.

“Not like a date,” I said, which we both knew was impossible. Even if our town wasn’t drenched in homophobia, Hallie had a boyfriend. She talked about him exactly once per make-out session, but I felt a complete blank where my jealousy was supposed to be. “Some night when you’re not busy with Jason or homework or track or whatever, we should just . . . go somewhere.” I was trying so hard to sound calm about this while the nerves screamed inside my skin.

“We are somewhere,” Hallie said in a kiss-roughened voice. “Besides, where do you even want to go? The movie theater is a complete mess. They don’t have cup holders. One night Jason and I were so bored, we went through the Wendy’s drive-through for fries three times.”

She kept talking about Jason and fast food, and I couldn’t waste any more time, so I started kissing her, pressing with my whole weight like I was a blanket, like I was ten blankets, like I was enough to hold us both down.