‘Oh, so sometimes my dad’ – she decided not to refer to him as John – ‘would turn the broadband off because he was going to bed and I’d be logged out all of a sudden, and I’d sprint downstairs and switch it back on, panicking all that time that …’ another pause, ‘Benjamin would think I’d just logged off without saying goodnight and that we’d never speak again.’

At this point, Ben did look like he was about to say something, but then seemed to think better of it, and instead he frowned. Alexa, meanwhile, was sitting very still, except for her left hand, which she was using to thumb the hoop pushed through her left earlobe. Her face was inscrutable.

Ellen looked away. She had started all this without thinking about how Alexa would feel, and now felt a wobble of guilt somewhere deep in her gut. She’d been so stunned by the shocking coincidence – finding out that Ben was Benjamin – that she had lashed out, unthinkingly. But she couldn’t stop now. And surely Alexa deserved to know.

‘Anyway, it must have gone on for months. I know it was spring term when it started, because we chatted all Easter holidays. And it definitely went on until the summer, because we talked all the way through A Levels.’ She remembered spending the evening before her French A level exam with a textbook propped up on the keyboard, unable to resist his siren call even for one evening.

‘And I obviously started listening to all this music he liked’ – she rolled her eyes – ‘like the Rolling Stones, blah blah blah …’ She paused, and fixed Ben with a hard stare. ‘Ringing any bells?’

Ben hadn’t been expecting to be called on so directly. He looked terrified, and managed only a strangled ‘ah’ noise. Beside him, Alexa squirmed. Her eyes were big, and Ellen noticed, for the first time, how tired she looked.

‘Whatever,’ Ellen continued. ‘Anyway. At some point, it stopped being just this intense conversation and started being – well, more like heading for boyfriend and girlfriend territory.’

Ben looked agitated.

Good.

15. Ellen

May 2009

rainham_romeo1991: i’ve been thinking about relationships a lot recently

Ellen’s skin buzzed. She watched him typing. He stopped. Typed again. Still typing.

rainham_romeo1991: it must be amazing to find someone you feel a real connection with i guess

rainham_romeo1991: do you know what i mean?

Ellen’s breath caught in her throat.

miss_BehaviourX91: yeah, definitely

rainham_romeo1991: have you had a boyfriend before?

Ellen pursed her lips and tapped the side of the laptop as she weighed up the answer to this question. She wasn’t sure whether she should tell the truth, but something made her want to be honest with him. Finally, she typed.

miss_BehaviourX91: no, i haven’t

miss_BehaviourX91: i mean, not a serious one

rainham_romeo1991: yeah me neither

rainham_romeo1991: a girlfriend i mean. haha