"Kate, do you see the mountains that form walls along either side of the Loch? Those mountains actually continue straight underwater, creating a sort of geological trowel, seven to eight hundred feet deep. Think of Loch Ness as Mother Nature's version of a giant bathtub. When you splash in your bathtub at home, you create waves, which strike the far side of the tub and reflect back again. Loch Ness sort of works the same way. When a boat like ours passes a steep shoreline like the one below Urquhart Castle, the boat's wake will strike the cliff face, then reflect back out again. Loch Ness is so big that sometimes the boat that created the wake is long gone by the time it's reflected back to the next passing boat. In calm conditions like today, a reflected wake moving at an angle toward another reflected wake will create a disturbance that looks very much like multiple humps in the water."

"And that's what I saw?"

"That's right. Don't feel bad, Kate, it fools a lot of people, though people tend to see what they want to see. Another popular illusion is created by large-keeled boats, like ferries or tugboats. As they move through Loch Ness, these powerful vessels create deep wave disturbances that travel along the bottom. When these waves eventually reach the shallows, the energy is forced up to the surface, causing a great upheaval of water that people swear is the monster breaching."

"Tell us more," said the German woman, as she snapped a picture of me with her digital phone-camera.

I continued, the diversion of the lecture, combined with the effects of my prescription pills combining to lessen my hydrophobia. "The abundant wildlife at Loch Ness has been deceiving tourists for decades. The area is home to cormorants—water birds with large necks that stick out of the water. And Merganser ducks, they can drive Nessie watchers crazy. As they move through the water, the ducks create V-shaped wakes, which resemble something large moving below the surface. From far away, a line of ducks can resemble humps in the water. Deer, otters, and seals are also found in Loch Ness, then you've got your pumas and badgers, leopards, bobcats, sheep, goats, and rats—"

"Rats?"

"Don't worry, the Anguilla eat them."

"What are Anguilla?" Kate Coffey asked.

"They're a nasty species of eel that inhabit Great Britain, with sharp teeth and—"

"I saw a moray eel once in the Sea Aquarium," said the older Jordan boy, Neil. "It was cool."

"Oh, Anguilla eels look and act nothing like morays," I said. "They're long and serpentlike, with thick bodies and two fore fins that allow them to crawl on land. They've been called the meanest, moodiest fish ever to grab a hook."

"How big do they get?"

"The males remain small, maybe reaching twenty-five pounds, but the females… they can grow to twelve feet, exceeding several hundred pounds."

"Geez."

"Are they born in Loch Ness?" Clay Jordan asked.