His hands on my face but I was wailing, embarrassing, why, hands on my face, I, I, I, gotta go gotta get out out of here my skin this room this house this life this sound this sound is too much, all too much, I ran, ran to the front door—Claire! Grab her! Oh fuck fuck fuck—I ran to the front door, unlocked it, and I was out, outside on the front step, the front walk, dazzled by the glare of cameras, police lights, iPhones, gasps, naked, and drenched and shivering from the fridge water, my breasts, my mind, I stumbled a few steps, news cameras, reporters, everyone drawing closer, where’s Ashley? I couldn’t see through the lights, the crowd, I was shaking, I was the sound. I had become. I opened my mouth. I opened my mouth to speak and I said—There has been a revelation!

And at that moment, Howard and Jo grabbed me from behind, and hauled me backwards, back inside, through the door, and slammed and locked it behind them.

Howard’s face in mine—What are you doing?

Claire, are you there?

I was everywhere.

What happened, Claire? Talk to us.

I tried to say more but the words crowded my mouth. Howard took hold of my face by my chin, firm, and gave me a little shake, stop that Jo said, I batted away his hand, and stumbled back, don’t touch her, stumbled back and steadied myself. I looked at Jo. And I saw her.

I saw Jo. And I was back.

I was back in the room. I tried to catch my breath. Going to vomit. No. I saw the others. I saw them watching me, afraid. I blinked and I turned to Jo. I turned to Jo and I said—I was you.

I turned to the others and I said—I was all of you. I was the floor. The house. Inside of the refrigerator. The mustard. The eggs. The tree back there, and the worms below, pushing my face through the dirt of, of life of being in the fucking life of it all, my god oh my god, I can’t even begin, I didn’t begin or end, I had no ending, I was everything—infinite, distant stars, buildings, skyscrapers and the birds—I clapped—smashing into them.