Stop trying to understand, he said, moving his hand slowly through the air as if wiping a fogged mirror. It’s about experiencing. Did you feel it or not?

Yes. Very much.

So just let yourself feel it.

For me it almost got too intense, Damian said.

Mia nodded—Same.

Damian said he didn’t think he could keep going—The sound kept expanding, I thought my rib cage was going to burst.

Goodness, Emily said.

Or my skull.

It almost hurt, Mia said, but it was also, I mean—

Incredibly pleasurable, Kyle said.

There was something about Kyle experiencing ‘incredible pleasure’ in my company that, frankly, freaked me out. Perhaps because it risked rupturing some threshold between us. The threshold that still maintained the acceptability of our continued association.

It’s very strange but I could taste iron in my mouth, Shawn said.

Nora looked confused—Iron?

Yes. At one point I thought I’d maybe bit my tongue and was bleeding but I wasn’t.

It affects everybody differently, Howard said. It’s working on a cellular level. For me, near the end, I had the feeling of being on the verge of something. And I don’t mean an orgasm or anything, but on the verge of—of manifesting something.

I think I know what you mean, Mia said, and I noticed both Kyle and Damian nodding.

It’s hard to explain, Howard continued. But all of us together—I felt myself pushed closer towards this . . . thing . . . whatever it is . . . that will come. And I don’t mean—

Everyone laughed, except me. It has nothing to do with that, Howard added, with a smile.

Jo turned to me, and frowned—Claire, what’s wrong, love?

Everyone looked in my direction. I opened my mouth and closed it again, trying to find the words. I just feel a little . . . shook, I finally said.

That is totally understandable, she replied, which caused something in me to seize.

No, it’s not, I don’t understand, and Howard telling me not to overthink it doesn’t help me, that just frustrates me more. I digest things through logic, okay? I’m a logical person. I believe in science.

But this is science, Jo said.

It’s also more than science, Howard said.

I held up my hands—I’m not interested in more.

Because more scares you, he said.

Because I don’t need more.

But what if it’s there anyway? Whether you need it or not?