He was warning her off, actually trying to frighten her into silence. She knew then, with stunning clarity, that this man had used her, in the worst possible way. He had taken what was offered and now all he wanted was to get away from her. Her dreams and hopes were laid bare, and finally she could see them for the childish desires they really were.

As he got dressed, she watched him sadly. He was clumsy in his haste, and she saw the softness around his belly, and the flab that was settling on his thighs. He was much older than her and, until now, that had not mattered so much. Now she was seeing him as he really was, and she was sorry to the heart that she had wasted something so precious on someone so unworthy.

When he was finally dressed, he knelt by the bed and looked into her pinched white face. ‘Are you all right, darling? Will you be OK?’

But she knew instinctively that he had no interest in her whatsoever – he never had. Not only was she used goods, she was also dangerous to him. The power of knowing that went a small way to assuaging the humiliation of her situation. Seeing the way he was trying so desperately to leave, while at the same time trying to keep her on his side, was every bit as shaming for him as it was for her. He smiled at her, giving her the full force of the Petey Bailey charm offensive.

‘Come on, Tania, you’re a big girl now. You know it makes sense.’

She looked him in the eye for long moments, before she said nonchalantly, ‘Fuck off, Petey. Get over yourself.’

Then, turning away from him, she listened as he crept down the stairs, and when she heard the front door close behind him, she finally let herself cry. In less than a week she had lost so much: her mum, who she missed with a physical pain, and her innocence. She had kissed goodbye to her childhood. She had been too naïve to understand the enormity of what she was doing, and Petey had left her feeling like she was worth nothing – less than nothing. That was the worst thing – the knowledge that she meant so little to him.

She pushed her face into her pillow as she said over and over, ‘Oh, Mum.’

Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Nine