Strangest of all, her relationship with her father began to change too. Now, suddenly, I would come across the two of them, heads bent close together, she sitting on his knee, a wide smile on her face as they chatted about her day. It made me feel sick to see Doug’s surprise and happiness at the change in his little girl. Occasionally she’d look up and our eyes would meet, and I would feel again that cold lurch of fear. It was as if she was deliberately torturing me.

When the secretary of the child psychologist whose waiting list we had been on finally rang to schedule our appointment, I almost cried as I fobbed her off with excuses. Because of course there was no question of that now. How could I possibly risk a doctor delving into Hannah’s mind? How could I risk Hannah telling what she knew? I seemed to live in a perpetual state of cold terror: I had no idea what to do.

So bit by bit, that end-of-day glass or two turned into three, then four. A bottle, sometimes more. I came to expect, then ceased to care about Doug’s disapproving glances. ‘Haven’t you had enough?’ he’d say, when I’d reach for the wine yet again at dinner. Sometimes I’d see a closed, tight expression in his eyes when he noticed the empties piling up in the bin. But I never drank during the day, while looking after Toby, for example. I’d always, always wait until he was safely tucked up in bed for the night – at least at first. I couldn’t tell Doug, you see; I couldn’t tell him what I’d done.

‘She seems to have turned a corner, don’t you think,’ he said with satisfaction one evening, after Hannah had obediently gone off to get changed for bed.

I looked into my wine glass. ‘Hmmm,’ I said.

‘Maybe she doesn’t need to see that shrink after all,’ he added. ‘What do you reckon?’

‘Yes,’ I said faintly. ‘Perhaps you’re right. I’ll cancel it.’ I made myself return his smile. When he went whistling out of the room, I poured myself another, extra-large glass, and drank it in three gulps.

My only joy during this time was Toby. He was the one thing that made life bearable. Hannah knew that. She knew he was all I had.