Blaire reached over and took her hand in the dark. “Of course not. I understand that. But nothing’s going to happen to her. She’s too good of a person.”

“How do you know?” Kate asked.

“Because. The world needs people like your mom. You just need to push the thought away.” She looked up. “Let’s see. Maybe we can think of something. You need a way to distract yourself.”

“What will that do?”

“You’ll stop yourself from focusing on the worry. You’ll say it, and after a while you’ll believe it.”

She’d give it a try. They came up with their counting rhyme, and surprisingly, it had worked. At least most of the time. Then Kate joined the track team, got involved in more extracurricular activities, and before she knew it, she was too tired to worry—much. And Blaire was always there as a sounding board when she did. But by the time Kate was a freshman in high school, her therapist diagnosed her with generalized anxiety disorder and suggested she take medication. She’d noticed a difference right away. She wasn’t obsessing over things anymore, not getting stuck like she used to. For the first time in a long time she felt like she wasn’t walking around with a shadow over her. But after Jake died, everything changed.

Her fear of losing her mother had finally come true. It had taken many years, but part of her brain told her she was right in having been worried all that time. And of course, the accident that had taken Jake away was something she hadn’t seen coming. Now, Kate could see Annabelle standing at Kate’s graveside, sad and confused, while mourners threw roses on her coffin. Was her fear of leaving Annabelle motherless going to come true as well?

She had to take action. She swiped her phone open and searched “self-defense products.” A variety of stun guns came up. So many choices. She clicked on one at a time, feeling herself begin to settle down as she read the descriptions. She’d talk to Alan and ask him which the best ones were. Now this was something that could help a lot more than a stupid little counting game.

16

The next day, Blaire stopped to pick up a box of chocolate-covered Berger cookies on the way to Kate’s. Simon greeted her in the front hallway when the guards let her through. When he saw the box, he arched an eyebrow. “Cookies? Don’t know that sugar is what she needs after the night she had.”

Blaire didn’t really care what he thought. “I guess we’ll let her decide.”

Simon cocked his head. “I think I know what’s best for my own wife. She’s coming apart, and the last thing she needs is you filling her head with sugar and panicky thoughts while you do your little amateur detective work.”