“After my discovery I informed Nichols, of course. He wasn’t concerned. I insisted that he stop the procedures. Not only had two patients lost their connection with God forever, every other patient had lost the potential to connect with God. They no longer possessed a human spirit capable of being joined to him. But Nichols wouldn’t stop. He wouldn’t believe such things, despite the evidence.”

“But he only had two such cases,” Ben countered. “It might be reasonable—”

“No, they’ve had three cases,” I corrected.

Abby turned to me, the furrows in her brow deepening. “How do you know?”

“Because I witnessed one. Nichols invited me to a transplant.”

Abby’s eyes widened. “What? When? Creighton—”

“Then we’ve had four,” Ray interjected.

I looked at him, surprised. “Who was the fourth?”

He paused. “I was.”

39

No!” Abby cried. “You didn’t have that done to yourself!”

Ray shrugged. “He did it to me, Abby. Nichols drugged me and performed the procedure on me.”

“Why would he do such a thing?” I asked, placing an arm around Abby’s shoulder.

“Arrogance, I believe, not malice. Nichols was convinced that if I had the procedure done, I’d see things his way. That wasn’t the case. I experienced exactly what the other two patients experienced.”

Tears welled up in Abby’s eyes. “So you don’t have any sense of connection to God?”

He shook his head slowly. “No. I’ve lost him. Intellectually, I can formulate what I’ve always believed, but there’s no spirit reality to it. The inner life I shared with him is gone.”

Abby’s pallor had turned gray, and I worried she might faint. “So everything you’ve been telling me—”

“Is what God taught me over many years, Abby.”

“But do you believe it anymore?” She nearly whispered the question.

Ray sighed. “Faith is in the spirit, Abby. Without my spirit I don’t have the capacity to have faith—or to experience God.”

Abby looked as if her world had come to an end. The one person she had a spiritual connection with, the one she had placed so much hope in, didn’t himself have a connection with God any longer. And never would.

I pulled Abby to me and stroked her hair while she dabbed her tears. We all sat silently, letting Abby collect herself. She reached across the table toward Ray, and they held hands.

“I know how hard this must be for you, Abby,” he said, compassion filling his eyes.

She nodded. “It’s just…a shock.”

“I know. It was to me too.”

Ben leaned forward. “I hate to interrupt, but we’re out of time. Can we meet again, Ray? This afternoon? I know it’s risky, but time isn’t on our side.”

“I’ll try,” said Ray. “Look for me at two thirty.”

Abby, Ben, and I reentered physical reality.