May 16. I’m astonished at how Americans can live without God. They go about their lives as if he simply doesn’t exist, apparently never giving the least thought to what is behind the universe, what provides ultimate meaning, and what will happen to them when they die. In the jungle, death is a constant. Here, the life span has been lengthened so much that death is infrequent. Still, lives do not last forever. Does no one here contemplate what happens to them after they die? They seem too distracted and entertained to care.

I turned several more pages.

May 21. I took communion tonight with Sabin. I explained the elements to him, and he understood. I think it had meaning for him. Sometimes I wonder if the true meaning sinks into me. I’m genuinely thankful for Christ’s sacrifice, for being forgiven, but why can’t I live as Jesus lived? I can’t even do a simple thing like love Lauren. I don’t even want to be around her, let alone share the gospel with her. Being a Christian seemed so much easier in the jungle. I’m feeling less like Jesus than ever. When do I start being more like him?

May 23. People here know how to laugh. I like that about them. When I was growing up, our family loved to laugh. We laughed together in everything. The Inisi did not know how to laugh. When you live in a culture of such fear, laughter is unnatural. My brother and I taught the children to laugh and play. They, in turn, taught the adults. Americans learned to laugh a long time ago, it seems.

Abby was feeling more excited the longer they talked. This woman seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say.

“Nature’s Creator is perfectly holy and righteous. He demands that we be perfectly holy and righteous too.”

“Why would he do that?” the young woman asked.

“Because God created humans in his image, to have fellowship with him, but he can’t be in the presence of sin, so our sin has created a wall between us.”

“But there’s no reason for walls to exist.”

“Well, in this case, our own sin—how we disobeyed God and missed the mark of his perfection—created the wall. And the only way that wall could be removed was for us to be truly forgiven.” Abby leaned forward. “Have you ever thought about your need for forgiveness?”

“Forgiveness for what?”

“Your sin.”

The woman shrugged. “We are who we are. Nature has placed us here. I’m fulfilling what nature made me to be.”

“But don’t you…haven’t you made any wrong choices in life?”

“I’ve made some decisions that I’d choose differently now. I messed up some relationships. But that’s part of life. We have to accept that.”