“We’d try to take steps, but we had three legs and neither of us controlled the middle one. I figured out how to put weight on it so we could move with one of us stepping at a time with our good leg and then leveraging our middle leg like a crutch. After we’d practiced it for weeks, I made the mistake of thinking that was something great—that we could finally walk. Madame Plutard was so proud of us.

“Well, Father arrived at the circus. In those days, we were cared for by Doro and Hugo and all of them. Le Cirque Secret was a fun place for us, where people loved us. It was always tense when Father came back and we were paraded out to see him. We started toward him. It was supposed to be a surprise for him that we could walk. Madame Plutard had made us a satin dress—pink with a lace collar—just for the occasion. She’d taken the iron to our long ringlets and placed matching bows on our heads. Everyone was there—all the performers, Madame Plutard, Sylvie. I still recall how much joy we felt to be able to do that on our own—that one little fucking thing on our own.

“Well…” Marla laughed sadly, looking down at the courtyard. “In gazing up at him for approval, I forgot my step and we fell in front of everyone. You have to understand that it was difficult when we fell—we didn’t exactly move together as one unit, so we struggled on the ground for what seemed like a long, long time. At first, no one moved a muscle. Then the Doros and Hugo came to help us, lifting us back on our feet while Madame Plutard ran to get our chair. I’ll never forget the look on his face, Cecile. It is bored into my memory forever, and it fuels me. I’m so sorry you can’t recall it, because if you did, you’d despise him as I do. He was repulsed by his own children,” said Marla. Small sobs erupted from her, and she stopped speaking until she could regain her composure. “He told Madame Plutard that from then on we were to be wheeled to him in a chair, covered with a blanket, like dolls in a carriage.”

Everyone was silent. Lara found the story so horrible, so shocking that she couldn’t breathe. “I’m so sorry, Esmé.” Lara spoke, her voice breaking. “What he did to you was simply unspeakable. I’m so terribly, terribly sorry.”