The BISHOP lowers the crown onto JAMES’s head. The watching LORDS cheer and then push close around the throne. They lift it, with JAMES seated in it. They carry it round the throne room, chanting, shouting.

King James! King James!

They are shouting louder and louder, moving faster and faster. JAMES clutches the arms of his throne as the roaring mob carries him off. JOAN is on her feet, terrified.

ISABELLA (calling after them). Watch! Careful! Don’t let the crown fall off his wee head!

JOAN. What are they doing!? Where are they taking him!?

BALVENIE. It’s alright. It’s perfectly normal, Queen Joan. It’s part of the ceremony, they’re showing him to the people.

He’s King of Scots now. The Scots need to see him.

MEG. They’ll be throwing flowers! And cakes even!

MEG runs off after the throne. Only BALVENIE, JOAN and ISABELLA are left onstage. BALVENIE is close beside JOAN.

BALVENIE (soothing). Please, Your Royal Highness, just sit back and wait. They’ll bring him back to you soon, I promise you. There’s nothing to worry about.

ISABELLA is moving swiftly back to JOAN on her throne.

ISABELLA. Aye, there is. She needs to worry about a wee creep like you putting his damp hands all over her coronation robes. Get away from her! Shoo now! Shoo!

BALVENIE stands his ground.

BALVENIE. I’m here for the Douglas family. I’m here for the Earl.

ISABELLA. You’re no the Earl of Douglas.

BALVENIE. No, no, he’s in France.

So I’m standing in.

ISABELLA. How can you stand in for the Earl of Douglas when you’re no the Earl of Douglas?

BALVENIE. Because he’s my un…

ISABELLA (cutting him off). You’re just Balvenie, aren’t you?

BALVENIE. And Dunkeld. I recently inherited…

I’ve got Dunkeld too.

ISABELLA. Really?

But when you’ve got Jedburgh, Galloway, Dumfries, Wigtown and all the other lands that make the Earl of Douglas fit to sit by the Queen you can come back, till then go and stand over there and don’t bother us. Go on!

She shoos him away.

There is the sound of roaring and shouting, off.

My lady, Your Majesty, I’m so pleased to meet you, I’ve only sons and I’ve aye wept for a daughter. Aw, Queen Joan, you’ll be as dear as my ain bairns. I’ll keep you close. See if I dinny.

JOAN (uncertain). Thank you…

ISABELLA. Oh, bless you, you can hardly mak me oot, eh?

JOAN. No, no, I…

ISABELLA (cutting her off). Never you mind, all you need to know is that you’re welcome home and I’ll be a mother to you if you let me.

JOAN. I don’t even know who you are.

JAMES is rushed back on, still clinging to his throne, the LORDS roaring round him. He’s tipped out and half-jumps, half-falls. He keeps his feet. A cheer and applause.

MURDAC. He’s still standing. He’s the King. Let’s start the drinking, boys, we’ve got a king.

JAMES. No. No, not yet.

MURDAC. No, it’s alright, King James, we’re done. You can have a drink now.