JAMES. Thank you, I…

BALVENIE is trying to get JAMES’s attention.

BALVENIE. King James, the Earl of Douglas sends his apologies, the war in France has delayed his…

The SCOTTISH LORD shoulders past him, holding coronation robes.

LORD. Your Majesty, it’s my honour to dress you for your coronation.

ALISDAIR and BIG JAMES are taking the robe off him.

ALISDAIR. You’re alright, we’ve got it. We’ll do it.

BIG JAMES. Family business. This is our cousin you know.

They’re helping JAMES into the robes a bit rough. At the same time the LADY is carrying robes to JOAN.

LADY. Your Highness, it’s my honour to dress you for your coronation.

JOAN lets MEG and the LADY dress her. WALTER moves closer to watch her.

ALISDAIR. Good to see you again, Cousin James. Been a while, eh? When did we last see him, Big James?

BIG JAMES. Don’t know, think it was at a hanging.

ALISDAIR. It was at a hanging, King Henry’s wee execution party, that was it. Long time ago though, all forgotten now, eh?

They’re getting a bit of the robing wrong, deliberately.

JAMES. That’s not… You need to put it the other way.

BIG JAMES. You sure? I think it looks good like that.

MURDAC enters. He sees them. They see him. They back off JAMES.

ALISDAIR. Don’t you worry, King James, just stick with us. We’ll show you how it’s all done.

Around them the room is being prepared, a throne, a crown, possibly a wedding bed. MEG is still fussing with JOAN’s clothes.

JOAN. Leave that. That’s not right.

MEG. You’ve got it all bumphled.

LADY. Are you ready, Your Highness?

JOAN (to MEG). I want it like that, that’s how it’s supposed to hang.

WALTER (grinning at her). I think you look great.

JOAN is startled.

LADY. Are you ready?

JOAN. Yes.

Thank you.

The LADY gives a signal. The BISHOP enters and calls out, formal.

BISHOP. In the name of God I call you all to witness! In the name of God!

Everyone falls silent and bows their heads as the BISHOP processes up to the throne.

MEG tries to straighten JOAN’s dress again. JOAN hits at MEG, MEG hits back.

JOAN (whisper). Stop hitting me! You can’t do that! It’s treason!

MEG (whisper). Well, stop slapping at me then! You’re bumphled!

JOAN (whisper). I’m not bumphled. This is my coronation and this is how I want to look so…!

MEG. The King! Go!

JAMES is waiting for JOAN, holding out his hand to her.

JOAN takes his hand and follows him up to the thrones.

JAMES sits on his throne. JOAN sits on hers. With slow ceremony the BISHOP lifts the crown. He raises it over JAMES’s head.

BISHOP. King James, we crown you. We crown you King of Scots.

All the watching LORDS shout together.

LORDS. King James!

BISHOP. In God’s name. In the sight of Scotland’s lords, in the name of her people, we crown you King of Scots.

LORDS. King James!