By the bleeding arse of the saviour, I wish I’d done the deal with a nice English princess. Then maybe all this carry-on would be by and I’d have some peace to live to actually live a life that makes sense of God’s creation.

But what do I get? A fucking Norse coin counter.

Oh… oh… and… sorry, I was forgetting your wedding gift to me, wasn’t I?… and Orkney and fucking Shetland!

MARGARET. You won’t change, will you? Not in the face of threats, not in the face of reason… You just won’t change. JAMES thinks about it.

JAMES (pleased). That’s true. Thank you.

MARGARET. That’s very, very dangerous, James.

He exits. MARGARET moves into –

The Queen’s Room, Stirling

MARGARET enters. ANNABELLA and PHEMY are playing cards. She is in a state. They can see she is.

ANNABELLA. Good day in parliament?

MARGARET. Don’t start! Just…

I want the room.

ANNABELLA. We’re in the middle of a hand.

MARGARET. This is my room. I want the space.

ANNABELLA. We’ll be finished in a moment.

PHEMY. Princess Annabella…

ANNABELLA. I’m not sitting squashed in that wee room through there twiddling my thumbs. And it’s raining outside.

MARGARET. Will you give me some peace!

JOHN enters with a GUARD.

JOHN. Is he here?

MARGARET (last straw). Oh God.

ANNABELLA. And what do you think you’re doing?

JOHN. I need to speak to the King.

ANNABELLA. You weren’t invited here! Get out!

MARGARET. It’s alright, Annabella.

JOHN. I’ve the authority of parliament…

MARGARET. Really? I don’t believe you’ve ever mentioned that before.

JOHN. I have the authority of parliament and I’m looking for the King.

He nods at the GUARD who tries to move through to look in the adjoining room. PHEMY blocks him.

MARGARET. And you think you’ll find him in our bedroom?

JOHN. Why? Whose bedroom should I be looking in? Archie.

The GUARD tries to move forward again.

ANNABELLA. Get him, Phemy!

PHEMY pounces, she’s got the man by the balls and the earlobe. She shakes him, he screams.

GUARD. Get her off me!

JOHN. That’s a crown officer.

GUARD. Get her off me!

MARGARET. Phemy, drop him!

JOHN. She just assaulted a crown officer.

ANNABELLA. He just trespassed on his Queen’s privacy!

JOHN. We have a duty to find the King.

MARGARET. How does that work if the King doesn’t want to be found?

JOHN. The King swore an oath to be loyal to his parliament…

MARGARET. If you say the word parliament one more time I will let Phemy do whatever she likes. I’ll help.

The GUARD that PHEMY has captive screams again. Phemy, seriously, drop him.

A groan from the imprisoned GUARD.

Phemy!!

PHEMY drops the GUARD.