‘The Windsor kids fixed all that. I don’t know, it might have gone on like that for ages if they hadn’t showed up. It was all Tyler’s fault. He’d been bragging so much about his stash that word got around. Windsor’s not far from Slough and one morning, while Tyler was lording it up, a shout went out.

‘“Windsor! Windsor are here!”

‘They were advancing down the street. A big group of them, tightly packed, moving in formation, well armed, three big pick-up trucks at the back. And out in front two kids all dressed in gold, riding horses.

‘I was up on the roof. I saw it all. How Tyler thought he could take them on and win, all puffed up and sure of himself. He called his troops together and he marched out of the yard into the street, Josa at his side. She wasn’t all mouth: she was a tough little fighter, and dedicated to her man. Well, I wasn’t going to miss this. I climbed down off the roof and followed them.

‘The Windsor kids looked better organized all round than Tyler’s mob. And the Golden Boy and the Golden Girl were pretty impressive. They were actual twins by the look of it, with long fair hair, and they were wearing gold armour. They must’ve found it in the armoury at Windsor Castle; it was black steel with gold stripes and studs. They had swords at their sides, with gold decoration on them; even their horses had bits of gold armour. The horses were a matching pair – white. They looked like something out of a kids’ picture book. I could see that Tyler didn’t rate them, had no fear of them. He lined his troops up across the road and started name-calling.

‘The Golden Twins stopped and said hello. They were posh, well-spoken, with a kind of snooty air about them, looking down from their horses. Tyler had no respect for posh kids. Nor did Josa, who shouted some really filthy stuff at the twins. She had a grating, husky voice, like sandpaper. A slight lisp from having no teeth.

‘“We’ve come to pick up some food,” said the Golden Boy. “We’ve heard you’ve got some here.”

‘“It’s mine, Gaylord,” said Tyler, and his mates laughed, Josa loudest of all.

‘“It’s not really yours, is it?” said the Golden Girl. “You found it, but that doesn’t make it yours.”

‘“Doesn’t make it yours either, bitch.”

‘“That’s not how we see it.”

‘“Yeah? Well, this is how I see it,” Tyler shouted, and he dropped his trousers and showed his arse to them, which his mates thought was the funniest thing they’d ever seen. And I’ll admit I did smile.

‘“Oi!” Josa shrieked at Tyler, her face mad with laughter. “That’s mine! Don’t you go sharing it out with no Windsor slags.”