I was standing on a beach. I’d never seen one before, and I never have since. Not till now. But I was there, on the sand. The farm was behind me. The house and the barns and the old stables and the fields on the hills. When I looked over my shoulder, I could see Mummy Joy and Mummy Noreen in the windows. I don’t mind if they was watching me or not, but I could see them.

The sea was afore me. It didn’t make any sound. I wouldn’t know what noise the sea would make, but I thought I should hear something. Away in the distance, I could see all the other countries. I could see America and France and Africa and England, all those places, far away between the sea and the sky.

Esther stood in the water. It came up to her middle. She helt red ribbons in her hands, up agin her belly. She was saying something to me and even though I could hear nothing, I knew what it was. Come in, she was telling me, come into the water. And I felt it on my bare toes, the sea, just lapping at them like a kitten. I mind it was warm and blue and I wanted to dive in and swim in it. I didn’t know how to swim, I still don’t, but that didn’t matter. The water would carry me to her.

But something stopped me going in. I knew if I went into that water, if I let it swallow me up, then I would never come out again. I looked back at the farm and I remembered that I hated thon place even though it was the only place I knew. I turned back to the water where Esther stood, and I saw she wasn’t alone. The children were with her, and they were watching me, and they wanted me to come to them. They all did, them and Esther, and I wanted to go to them so much I could feel it pulling like there was a string tied to the heart of me. But I knew I’d stay there forever if I took another step.

I opened my mouth to say I couldn’t go with them into the sea, but no sound came out of my mouth, only air, like there was no voice in my throat. There was a wee boy, maybe five or six years old, he looked awful familiar, like I’d known him before. The water was near up to his chin, and he helt his hand out to me. Maybe I should have taken it. Things might have been better for everyone if I had. If I’d gone into that water, into the sea, and stayed there with them.