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Back The House by the Sea Save as PDF
Chapters (71)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. 3
  6. 4
  7. 5
  8. 6
  9. 7
  10. 8
  11. 9
  12. 10
  13. 11
  14. 12
  15. 13
  16. 14
  17. 15
  18. 16
  19. 17
  20. 18
  21. 19
  22. 20
  23. 21
  24. 22
  25. 23
  26. 24
  27. 25
  28. 26
  29. 27
  30. 28
  31. 29
  32. 30
  33. 31
  34. 32
  35. 33
  36. 34
  37. 35
  38. 36
  39. 37
  40. 38
  41. 39
  42. 40
  43. 41
  44. 42
  45. 43
  46. 44
  47. 45
  48. 46
  49. 47
  50. 48
  51. 49
  52. 50
  53. 51
  54. 52
  55. 53
  56. 54
  57. 55
  58. 56
  59. 57
  60. 58
  61. 59
  62. 60
  63. 61
  64. 62
  65. 63
  66. 64
  67. 65
  68. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  69. MORE FROM LOUISE DOUGLAS
  70. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  71. ABOUT BOLDWOOD BOOKS

Joe shook his head. Still he wasn’t looking at me; couldn’t bear to look at me. ‘We could have helped one another though, couldn’t we?’ he asked in a quieter voice. ‘We could have talked. We could have tried to comfort each other, but we didn’t. I blamed myself and you agreed. You said it was my fault. You said you wished I’d died instead of Daniel. And you know what, Edie?’ Now he turned to face me. ‘You know what really eats me up when I’m lying awake at night thinking of what I could have done differently, what I should have done? It’s this. You were right; about everything. It should have been me down that fucking shaft instead of him. I wish it had been me! If there was any way I could turn back time and put myself there and give Daniel back to you, then I’d do it! I’d do it now! In a heartbeat!’

We stared at one another across the kitchen. My heart was pounding; Joe’s words – my words – the words I’d said to him, rang in my ears.

‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered, then I pushed past Joe and went outside. I ran across the lawn, around the empty swimming pool, out to the decking and beyond to a dark part of the garden, and I fell onto my knees and cried until there were no more tears. I lay down on the grass, dampening now as the gentle night settled over Sicily, and the tears dried on my face. This was my fault. The words I’d said a decade earlier, my cruelty, all of it was coming back to hurt me.

I stared up at the stars twinkling in the velvet sky. The moonlight was silver slipping over the surface of the sea that rolled and turned and shifted, relaxed, crumpled, like the sheets of a weekend bed. The sky with its millions of stars was uncompromisingly beautiful. This place had been given to me and I wanted it now, I wanted it so badly, but I couldn’t have it because of the person I used to be and now I was going to lose Daniel for ever.

Joe was right. We hadn’t been a team, not when we needed to be. It wasn’t his fault, not at all: it was mine. I was the one who murdered the last remnants of our love.

31

I woke late, exhausted and wrought from the emotional energy spent the night before. The sun was already high in the sky and the room was warm. I slid out of bed, put on my shorts and T-shirt and went downstairs. Joe was in the kitchen, his back to me, huddled over something on the table.

‘Hi,’ I said.

He turned. He was holding a towel in his arms. Wrapped in the towel was a tiny, white kitten, squirming, its eyes closed.