It only occurred to her now that getting kicked out of an establishment for fighting really wasn’t a big deal to them. Just like it was no big deal to talk openly about their drug use back at school, or to show up an hour late to a dinner reservation, as they had last night. There was no existential risk, no lingering sense of humiliation, no reason for it to be anything more than a funny story to talk about over breakfast. It was a relief, yes, but it was also infuriating—just another way in which they lived in a different universe than her. A twinge of pettiness worked its way into her reply:

Alex: Didn’t you guys say you didn’t want any more drama? Lol

Dev: Well, first of all, Guy said that. And second of all, you aren’t the drama.

Dan got way too drunk, but that Enzo guy really was being a creep.

Her heart jumped at the gossip.

Alex: What did he do?

Dev: He was saying all kinds of stuff

Typing again, then stopping. Twice this time.

Dev: I didn’t catch all of it, but he was kind of… bragging about you. Mostly to Dan.

Alex: Bragging about me?

Dev: You know

Bragging about how much you liked him, kind of. It was gross.

Even by text, he sounded embarrassed to describe the lack of gallantry, and she smiled at his essential politeness.

Alex: Ugh, I’m sorry he was like that.

Dev: Not your fault.

Anyway, if you want to come with us, we’re about to head up to town after breakfast. The ladies want to do a little shopping.

Alex: No thanks

I’ve just run around the whole town, I’d rather chill for a little bit. And eat some waffles

Dev: :)

She clicked her phone’s screen off, slipping it back in her armband. A creeping regret worked its way through her body as she replayed her conversation on the street. Laughing off Danial’s defense of her was probably a little cruel—even in his drunken state, he was trying to do the right thing. In his mind, it probably felt like a gesture of friendship, and she didn’t need to berate him like she had.

But she couldn’t help herself. When it came to him, she only had two possible modes: infuriated, and some other nameless feeling she did everything to avoid. As often happened, she thought back to that afternoon before the grad party, the very moment she’d set her letter on his desk without even the foresight to put it in a sealed envelope. Thinking of it always made her wince.