The shoe was a sacrifice made over and over again, time out of mind, for the greater good, to keep something at bay; but then you can’t tell where one ends and the other begins. And in the end, the shoe isn’t enough.

A little boy, choking on a pin. Wire burning.

God Almighty Help Me

Carolyn thinking she could strike a bargain with it, not once, but twice.

A bargain with . . .

One-two, one-two. Closer now.

Who’s there?

She couldn’t think about that and she was almost grateful as the question slid away.

Maude’s room was a mess, a red trainer – the left one – lay abandoned on the floor, its laces trailing along the rug, its twin poking out from under a bunk.

Carolyn was right about one thing; it did wear her out, the hope – and the secret fear that she was at fault. Defective.

She turned her attention to Maude. Her eyes were closed, her hair damp with sweat.

It wouldn’t hurt, surely, to stay here, holding the shoe, for a little while longer, listening for – for . . .

Chris would understand. It had worked for Carolyn; it would work for them. All she had to do was turn off the lamp, flick the switch, sit in the dark for a while. Just – wait.

Too late, she would say, I got there too late.

‘Nell?’ Kym was standing at the foot of the ladder, calling up. ‘Are you OK? Nell?’

All that sacrifice, all those hopes and desires, all that fear and need congealing around that single shoe, tainting it.

‘Nell?’

The long scratches that ran the length of Maude’s arms had begun to clot – the cuts were not too deep. Maybe she had lost her nerve – or maybe she needed to take her time. Nell didn’t know where this new idea came from, that a slow death was a welcome thing. She tilted Maude’s head to one side, there were more marks, purplish bruising under the jaw, a scratch running from below Maude’s ear and down her neck; the blue pulse of the vein, so fragile. She had brought the knife with her, although she didn’t remember snatching it up. It lay on the floor beside the bed.

She picked it up.

Maude’s breath was growing more laboured.

The little boy had choked to death, on a pin.

It’s what you’re prepared to do.

She looked at Maude, so small, so still.

A bargain struck.

A sacrifice.

‘We need—’ Nell stood up and the room swayed. ‘We need an ambulance. Go and call for an ambulance – I can’t wake her up.’ She went to the ladder. ‘Do you understand?’

‘Yes. Yes, of course.’

‘And there are marks, cuts on her arm – I think it was Carolyn. And a cut on her neck.’

She turned back to the bed, the knife in her hand.

*