Nell closed her eyes, trying to remember what it was like to be held in his arms, the smell of him, the warmth.

‘Was it the fall?’

‘No – I’m a bit bashed up but . . . It doesn’t work like that. I’d been feeling a bit – off – for a few days.’

‘You should have said, why didn’t you say, if you weren’t feeling right?’

‘Because that’s all it was, just – a feeling, and there was other stuff going on, and – I didn’t really connect it, you know?’ Until it was too late.

‘What other stuff ?’

‘I don’t know – the house,’ Nell said. ‘I really think we should pack up and come back home.’

‘It’s not worth it,’ said Chris. ‘Give me a couple of days and I’ll be back with you.’

‘Only I’m a bit worried about Maude.’ Pins and heaps of salt, the marks carved into the beam over Maude’s bed, the footsteps she was now sure weren’t just her imagination. It was too much, Nell thought, too much to make sense of, too much to explain. Dr Bishop. The poor little boy, choked, dead.

Wandering the house at night.

‘You said she’d be fine.’

‘Me, then. I’m worried about me. I’m not sleeping well. I’m . . .’ Hearing things, seeing things.

‘Well, maybe if you looked after yourself properly for a change . . .’ The signal picked up, and his voice was suddenly loud, too loud, too close.

‘What? This is my fault now, is it?’

‘I’m sorry, I—’

‘Maybe I should work on my timing too. Because let’s not forget this lets you off the hook, doesn’t it? It’s one less thing for you and Sam to worry about.’ She was crying. It wasn’t fair; none of this was fair.

‘No. No, no, no, let’s not do this now, love.’

‘Nell . . .’ Behind her, the kitchen door opened, and Maude was peering out anxiously.

‘Maude’s here,’ Nell said, rubbing at her face. ‘If you want to say goodbye to her. Hang on.’ Then she handed over the phone.

*

Nell let Maude finish the conversation with her father in private. She went back inside, drank her coffee, scraped the uneaten toast on her plate into the bin, washing it and leaving it to drain by the sink. She was wiping down the counter when Maude limped back in. ‘Dad says he’ll ring again later.’

‘OK.’ Nell tried to smile. ‘Thanks, Maude. Come on, eat up, finish your breakfast.’

‘I’m all done,’ said Maude. ‘Will you help me back upstairs now? I’m tired.’

Nell took a deep breath and tried to find a smile for her step-daughter. ‘Sure, sweetheart.’

Chapter 21

21