She flipped the panel and slid it back into place, then pushed the bed back against the wall before sitting heavily on it, trying to make sense of it all.

The phrase remained just out of reach. But Nell had seen it, read it somewhere else, she knew she had.

*

Maude’s foot felt sore; hot and sore and itchy. She thought she could feel the stitches pulling through the skin as she placed her weight on it and her hip ached from walking awkwardly. She wasn’t sure she’d ever felt this tired before. Nell was really cross with her about the shoe, and she’d tell her dad, and then Maude would be in trouble again. Tears stung at her eyes.

Nell had used to be all right, really.

But things were horrible now, and it seemed to Maude she was always on the verge of being in trouble. She wasn’t supposed to know about Nell and her dad, of course. They all thought they’d fooled her. She’d been at her mum’s, in the living room by the big window, her head stuck in a book, and when Jess had come in, Maude hadn’t said anything. She probably hadn’t realised she was there.

She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop.

Her mum going on about the divorce and the business, and Nell.

‘Both of them screwing behind my back, for bloody months, and I’m supposed to smile nicely every time I pick Maude up.’

There was other stuff too, she talked a bit about the custody arrangements, and Maude had thought for a while that meant she’d go and live with her mum full-time. But not long after there was the big announcement about the new baby, and her mother never mentioned it again.

It took a long time to cross the room and longer still to get down her ladder. She sat on the bottom rung, half hoping Nell would find her, help her, but she didn’t come.

Maude leant her head against the wall and concentrated for a bit, sometimes she thought she could hear someone walking around the house. If she happened to be downstairs, then the noise came from above. If she was in her room, then the footsteps seemed to come from the first floor. She’d thought someone had been calling her name, but the house was quiet.

She was glad of the marks on the beam and the pins in the windows. She raised her wrist, so she could look at her bracelet again.

Her hand looked weird. Ever so pale, but stained with angry red patches. Both hands. She ran a finger over her arm, her skin was sore, tender. She sat up and the room began to spin, the shadows in the corner seemed to expand, leaking across the floorboards. She was thirsty again.

There was water in the bathroom. She wouldn’t have to go all the way downstairs.

*