No.

There were risks she could take in life, and had taken many of them gladly. But compromising her relationship with Ryder like that...

If he married you, he would have to keep you for basically ever.

She felt rent right down the middle with that thought. A jagged streak of terror on one side and a blinding, white-hot need on the other.

She was also starting to see herself the way that Ryder might.

And lame was about the only word for it.

She scowled. “Anyway, what do you want?”

“Just checking in.”

“My answer is still no. I mean, we could do...some kind of agreement, I guess. But we can’t do marriage.”

“No,” he said. “If you want to do this, then it has to be my way.”

“Why?” It was so irritating and ridiculous that what had started as a suggestion she’d made on a whim had turned into an outright obsession. She was angry at him, and angry at herself. Because the more she thought about it the more she realized that he would be the perfect father for her baby. Because Ryder was perfect. Because he knew how to take care of people. Because he knew how to take care of her.

And she refused to think about any of the other things, because they were complicated and messy and they made her chest hurt.

“You’re asking me why I’m acting in character? What about you? Why would you ask that of me if you didn’t want this response?”

She had thought that he couldn’t possibly strip her closer to the bone, but then, there he went.

He made her feel seen.

He made her see herself.

She didn’t like it.

“I didn’t think you would take me seriously.”

“Was it a joke?”

The seriousness in that gaze of his stole her breath.

“No,” she said. “I just... I don’t know why I said it. Because... Because you would be a good father. Because you’re protective, and because you are an old retired guy. All those things that I said to you... I know that it was not very nice of me, but the thing is you complement me, and...”

“But I thought you didn’t want a man to help raise your baby?”

“I don’t,” she said. “I mean...not really.”

You do, though. Secretly. He’s right. You harbored a fantasy of all of this working out as some big unconventional family in your head, and if you didn’t, then you would have just gone to a sperm bank like a normal person. But you’re not handling this like a normal person.

She tried to ignore the needling voice in the back of her mind.

And then another one.

You expected him to take care of you. But you also expected that you could get your way.

That cut her in two.

Because she had to look at herself critically and ask if that was true.

Or maybe she didn’t. Maybe she could just abandon everything right now. Everything could go on as it had before, and nothing needed to change.