“Thank you,” she said faintly.

“Do you want a veil?” Iris asked.

It was uncharacteristic to see even practical Iris alight with pleasure over something as inconsequential as bridal fashion. But it added to the well of feelings building in her chest. It added to it quite a lot.

“Probably not,” Sammy said.

She had so much hair, and that was one thing she had no desire to change much for her wedding. She wouldn’t feel herself with her blond hair tamed in any fashion. She was accustomed to it as it was. Out of control and a bit on the feral side.

Plus, Ryder liked it. He liked to run his fingers through it. Liked to hold on to it while she pleasured him. Liked to pull it sometimes, quite frankly, and the idea of leaving it loose for him felt...

“You’re blushing,” Rose said.

“No, I’m not,” Sammy said. “I don’t blush.”

Except, she found that with him, she did. For him, she did.

He was responsible for a whole lot of firsts. A whole lot of things that she would have said weren’t her. Weren’t possible or real.

And yet, here she was.

“I have to try on the next dress,” Pansy said. “This one isn’t quite it, either.”

Iris and Rose disappeared into the dressing room with her, a gown that elaborate apparently requiring multiple people to get off her.

That left her alone with Miriam.

“I think the dress might be too much,” Sammy said. “I mean... I don’t want him to think I’m taking this...more seriously than he is.”

“But you like it,” Miriam said.

For some reason Sammy’s throat got tight. “I do. I like it a lot but... I don’t want to want this.” She blinked away tears. This poor near-stranger had not asked for Sammy to cry on her. “I don’t want to care more than he does.”

“He’s marrying you,” Miriam said gently. “He must care an awful lot.”

“I’m afraid it won’t be enough.”

Sammy ended up being the only one who left with a bridal gown. And the gown felt heavy.

She didn’t want to be in love. Not at all. Love was such a weird thing. The kind that you wanted to give and get back. Friendship was different. You didn’t wander around wondering if the people you were friends with loved you. Telling them you love them and hoping for a reciprocal response. At least, not her friendships.

You did that with parents. You did that with husbands. In a traditional sense. She didn’t want to do that. Not ever.

As a friend, she had never wondered if Ryder’s feelings for her were real.

Heading into a love situation...

She ignored the pain in her chest when she thought of it. Because that was... It was so nothing she wanted to get involved in. Not in the least.

Why add a worry like that to her plate? Why, when in the context of friendship the two of them were so solid?