Selfish and needy and small. She wanted to weep with it.

Because she had been so sure that she would find something glorious and brilliant in all her revelation. In her seeking after a new piece to who she was.

But she didn’t. Instead, she looked inside herself and found something contemptible.

A woman who had attached herself to a man who had already been through enough.

And she knew that it would be up to her to set them both free.

But she pushed that away for now. Pushed it to the side. Because she could only feel now. And he was in her. He was with her. Making her bright and brilliant and more than she could ever hope to be on her own.

He lit her up.

With burning brilliance.

And that was when she realized that he had always been her sun. Her guiding light. The source of her life. And if she had given him anything it was only because she was reflecting that light back on to him.

He thrust into her one last time and growled, and she found her release on a sob.

Ryder.

Who stood so strong in the wake of insurmountable force.

She couldn’t bear him not having everything because he was taking care of her instead.

And she couldn’t bear for the resentment that would breed. And what it would do to her. To their child.

She had been that child.

Oh, she and Ryder would never be angry fists and abuse. But resentment could take so many shapes, and twist even good people. In fact, she was certain that in some ways it could twist good people in more subtle, sharp ways.

He would stay. And stay and stay. No matter what.

“I have to go,” she whispered, slipping away from him and peeling herself away from the wet grass.

“Why?” he asked.

“I don’t mean back to the house. I mean... I need to go away.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It was my original plan. To leave here. To go and find some adventure. To find myself.”

“And you decided the time to revisit that plan would be after you got pregnant with my baby and married me?”

“I’m not revisiting. I’m... I’m remembering why. Why this was important to me. And I’ve been dealing with all of the... This isn’t going to work.”

“What do you mean it isn’t going to work? We just made love outside. I’m in love with you. I made vows to you. Nothing says more about how well this could work than that.”

“Because it’s about me,” she said. “I can’t do this.” As soon as the words tripped off her tongue she felt them rebound against her. She tried to take a breath, but found that she couldn’t. She didn’t know how to articulate all of the things that were rattling around inside her and they would make her feel too exposed anyway. So she decided to lean in to what she let everyone think she was. To what he seemed to think she was sometimes.