“She is the immovable object and the unstoppable force, all at once,” I said. “Lacey’s theory is that she’s testing my moxie.”

“How is Lacey?” Freddie asked, a genuine smile on his face.

“She’s great. We Skyped the other day and it’s obvious she’s happy, even though she’s had to become a morning person. The time stamps on her emails are early as hell.”

“At least she’s finding time to reach out and put things in writing,” Freddie said.

A silence, pregnant with meaning, stretched between us.

I nudged him with my foot. “I’ve seen the woman visiting you.”

Freddie turned inward. “I can’t, Bex. Not now. Not with you.”

“Fred,” I began, shifting so that I was next to him. “I started so many texts, Freddie. I wanted to email. But I didn’t—”

“You can stop right there. You didn’t,” he said.

His face had turned pink. My heart simultaneously rose into my throat and sank into my feet.

“I hate that we made you feel alone,” I said.

“But you don’t hate that you left me alone.”

I wanted to argue, but I couldn’t. Leaving, and hiding, had been easier for me than staying and dealing with the fallout. Maybe we should have stayed. For Freddie, for the family, for The Firm. But I knew I’d make that same decision again. Nick and I had an entire lifetime ahead in which we’d doubtless, and often, surrender our personal needs for family and country, so even in the face of Freddie’s anguish, I couldn’t rightly say I felt regret.

“I know this was hard for you,” I said instead. “But it was hard for us, too, Freddie. That was our wedding day, and it was an epic disaster. I don’t think either one of us was in our right mind. Put yourself in Nick’s shoes.”

“You think I haven’t ever put myself in Nick’s shoes?” Freddie hissed.

“He would not have gotten his feet back underneath him if we’d stayed here,” I pressed on, opting to ignore his implication. “I hate seeing you like this and knowing it’s my fault, Freddie. I hate it. But staying would have killed us, and…we’re married. We have to be each other’s priority.”

“Yes, being cut out was a nasty reminder that we’re not three anymore,” he said. “We’re two and one. Things were already changing, and then they got infinitely worse.”