She was correct about that too. But no matter what the outcome, if this was as good as it ever got for us, would I exchange our fate with Stefan for the Hodges’ fate with Alice? No, I would not. A thousand times, I would not. Especially not now, I would not. For that, maybe I should have felt guilty.

I told Becky that the reason Stefan got parole on his first application was because he didn’t describe his actions as “a mistake.” What he had done was wrong, he went on, much worse than the things violent criminals did, because he wasn’t a violent criminal. He wasn’t raised to do wrong. He had no excuses. He could never atone for what he had done. But he swore he would never hurt another person as long as he lived.

“I think he means that, and I believe him,” Rebecca told me.

Finally, having put way too much out there already, I told Rebecca about the threats Esme had made.

“She keeps saying that if Stefan ever remembers more about that night, someone is going to get him. I know, it’s crazy. But doesn’t it really stand to reason if she’s the one who would get him? If she already killed one person, might she feel like what has she got to lose? I’m sorry for bugging you with this. This wasn’t what you meant by taking a little walk.”

“Just go on. Tell me the rest.”

“Well, she was livid because Stefan wouldn’t back down from talking publicly about Belinda’s death. He wanted to take responsibility. But when he did talk openly, nothing happened. I mean, I’m glad nothing happened...but was it all a hoax? Or was she afraid that he would reveal details he didn’t know about at first, because his memory was blocked? I thought she was trying to protect Stefan but was she just trying to protect herself? She must have hated Stefan.”

“You could ask her now.”

“I can’t find her. She goes through these times when she doesn’t answer. And I keep thinking, what if she knows the police are looking for her now? We’ll never find out the truth. She’ll just vanish into thin air.”

“Well, she will call you eventually. She wants something from you. She’s addicted, in a sense. At least from what you tell me. And when she does, just casually suggest getting together because you were never able to pull it off that other time. She’ll either agree or she won’t. Call the detective as soon as you set a plan.”

I told her that was exactly what I was going to do.