He said, “Well, sure. That makes sense. But we don’t mail copies of police reports. To anybody. If you want them you have to come up here and fill out a formal request form.”

So that was how I ended up making the decision to go back to Black Creek, to make a journey I had formally forsworn, dragging the ballast of my own misgivings and my family’s disapproval.

“Don’t go,” said Stefan. “The place is bad luck.”

“Wait,” said Jep, “for better weather, better timing, for me to come with you.”

“I have to do it now,” I told them both. “I need to know more now. I need to read everything they have on file. I don’t remember what I actually saw and what the lawyer told us. And I just have to put my own mind at rest. I want to read the police report thoroughly now. And I know I never read any follow-up reports at all. I have to find out what became of everything after you were sentenced. I feel guilty that I never even asked...”

Stefan said, “Mom, I know you’re doing this because you still don’t believe you could raise a kid that could do something like I did. But there is no other story. There’s only one story.”

Jep said, “And what is it you’re really looking for exactly?”

“Insight,” I said, at the same moment that Stefan said, “Trouble.” Stefan and Jep nodded sagaciously at each other, so alike that a wash of tenderness nearly swamped me.

“Look, this isn’t over. At least for somebody it isn’t over. Obviously! Are you both going to ignore the fact that there was an arson at our house? At our own house? Maybe the publicity spurred someone to act. It can still get worse. What about the calls, the stalker? What’s next? The whole house itself? One of us?”

That silenced both of them. Jep said then, “I’m sorry for blaming you, Theaitsa. But we just need to move on as a family.”

“Well I can’t move on. Not until I know...whatever it turns out I need to know. I just need to do this. Maybe there is no puzzle. I just feel like there still is. And I’m missing a piece.”

Then we all subsided to our corners like old soldiers hors de combat.