Somi hesitates, looking surprisingly nervous, before she licks her lips and smooths down her expensive-looking silk blouse. She’s carrying her usual black purse, and with hesitant fingers, reaches into it and delicately retrieves a glossy, light pink Samsung. After pulling up a screen, she hands it to Kisa, whose mouth drops as she stares down at the blog post.

The Intimate Scoop on Hottie Hwanin’s Intimates! the text reads in swirly pink letters, followed by:

We at Godly Gossip have received intimate info on the gorgeous HOTTIE HWANIN! Readers beware: Some steamy scoops lie ahead!

One question that has plagued pantheon fans for centuries is if the gorgeous emperor prefers boxers or briefs…And thanks to an anonymous source, we now have our answer! Underneath those majestic hanboks, the divine royal loins are most often clothed in (drumroll, please) briefs!

(Specifically, Calvin Klein 1996 Micro Hip Briefs in white, size M. “They’re the only underwear he has,” our source tells us, although they’re quick to add that he has one pair of pajama pants of the silken variety.)

An ages-old mystery is now solved! Now, the only thing left to wonder is: What does SEXY SEOKGA prefer? Something tells us here at Godly Gossip that he leans toward boxer briefs (specifically of the Lacoste variety, size M, colors black or dark green)…but the tantalizing trickster always has a surprise or two up his sleeve! Place your bets now, because we are confident this is another question we’ll receive an answer to soon!

“It will be in the physical issue tomorrow,” Somi says, backing away from Seokga as he snatches the phone from Kisa and stares aghast at the text. She’s certain that her own expression is just as horrified. “Their ‘Boss’ must be someone at Godly Gossip. Perhaps the editor in chief offered to put in a good word with Yeomra if they got them this information.”

“If I ever find out who their editor is,” snarls Seokga, “I will wreak havoc on their lives. I will set fire to their home and office. I will slowly and painfully rip them into tiny little pieces and—”

Somi smirks. “Wait. You don’t know who runs Godly Gossip?”

Seokga looks as if he’s just bit into a sour lemon. “Obviously.”

The gumiho’s shoulders are shaking with silent laughter. Seokga is glaring at her suspiciously. “Who—”

“This explains the underwear,” Kisa mutters in growing defeat, reaching back for her notebook and slowly crossing Chaeyeon and Korain off the list. Her chest aches with disappointment. For a moment, she’d felt so close to victory, to reincarnation.

“Hey, Kisa?” Hajun whispers. “Are you okay?”