‘You know where I am, if you need me.’

‘I have nothing to say to you,’ I said to him as I opened the door.

‘But I have a lot to say to you.’

‘You needn’t bother. I really don’t want to hear anything.’ I stood in the half-open doorway and stared at him and I thought how I wanted him to throw his arms around me and tell me it had all been a terrible mistake. His friend had been telling lies. He was free as air and he loved me. Me. Only me. And I would cry on his shoulder and the pain in my back would go and it would be happy ever after for us both. Fuck fairy tales, I said to myself.

‘Anything,’ I repeated.

‘You don’t know how miserable I’ve been. I haven’t slept. I haven’t been to work.’

‘I do hope there won’t be a stock-market crash.’

‘Clara …’

‘What did the anagram have to say about the Guinness? Don’t tell me. She doesn’t know. You stopped off at the club and showered and trotted home in your squash gear.’

He went red.

A hit. A palpable hit! I rather hoped that Sophie had her ear to the keyhole.

‘Can we go in?’ He moved towards the door.

I shut it quickly. ‘No.’

‘This is very public.’

‘This is as private as it’s going to get.’

‘I can explain all this mess. If you’ll give me a chance.’

‘Come to dinner tonight.’

‘Darling, I knew you’d—’

‘Bring the anagram. You can explain the mess to both of us at the same time.’

‘Be reasonable.’

‘I think that’s pretty reasonable. Otherwise just fuck off out of my life.’

‘You don’t mean that.’

‘Want to bet?

‘In a few days …’

‘Oh, get out of here, James. Haven’t I made it quite clear? I don’t want to see you again or hear your voice on the phone or smell your aftershave. I despise you for being a lying faithless cad and I despise myself for having fallen in love with you. Get out. Go and play games with someone your own size. Go.’ I must have been shouting though it didn’t seem like it to me.

‘Ssssh,’ he said.

‘I will not sssh. I don’t care who hears me. Just get out now or I’ll call security and have you thrown out. And don’t come back.’

He turned and walked down the corridor.

‘Bastard!’ I shouted after him.

I went into my room and shut the door and burst into tears yet again.

After a moment or two the door opened a crack. I looked up. It was Sophie.

‘Great,’ she said. ‘I loved it when you called him a cad. Sooo terribly British.’

‘Just piss off,’ was all I could say.