The radio is blatting on about the news: Prime Minister talking about the need for faith schools, something about a UN Population Fund meeting in the Netherlands, an idiot footballer getting an idiot multimillionpound handshake from an idiot football team . . . all the usual cheerily oblivious rubbish we listen to in order to feel connected. Right now it sounds like it's bleeding in from another world.

I carefully lower the plunger on the cafetiere—it's balky, and has a tendency to squirt hot coffee grounds everywhere if you don't do it just right—then pour myself a mug and sit down in front of the JesusPhone. Gosh, that thing's shiny. Now, what can Brains have done?

It doesn't take me long to find out: the icon that looks like a tumble drier is a bit of a giveaway, come to think of it. I groan and stab the thing with my thumb, and a whole bunch of new icons show up. What the fuck . . . ? I swear quietly: there's a lot more to this than just evaluation work. Those of us who do fieldwork have a whole suite of specialized software tools we need to carry about—most of them don't require any particular hardware, they just need a general-purpose processor that can do some rather unusual number-intensive calculations, and the new phone's got plenty of grunt in that department. This looks like a first pass at porting the entire Occult Field Countermeasures Utility Trunk to run native on JesusPhone, which means I can forget about returning it to the shop, for starters.

Brains has unintentionally taken a huge stinking shit all over our security frontline, installing classified software on an unapproved and unauthorized device. It was just an obvious misunderstanding and no harm's come about, and as soon as I can smuggle the phone back into the New Annexe and get him to wipe the fucking thing back to factory condition we can pretend it never happened; but until then, I'm going to have to carry the thing on my person at all times and defend it with my life. Well, that or I can set Operational Oversight on him—but my life doesn't need the excitement of being the subject of two simultaneous boards of enquiry.

"Jesus, Brains," I murmur. "Is it something in the water?" I poke at the Options set up in OFCUT admiringly. He's done a thorough job of porting it—this is almost as tightly integrated as the old version I used to have on my Treo, before they pulled it because it violated our RoHS waste disposal statement.

HALF AN HOUR LATER, MY OLD AND UNWANTED MOTOROLA rings. I pick it up and see WITHHELD on the display. Which means one of two things: a telemarketer, or work, because I've put my unclassified desk phone on call divert.

"Yes?"

"Bob?" It's Andy, my onetime manager. Nice guy, when he's not stabbing you in the back.

"What's up? You know I'm on—"