‘I’ve had the day from hell. Ed’s been in a bad mood and the kids have driven me mad,’ Jess moaned.

‘Mum, can I have some crisps?’ Frankie asked in a whining voice.

‘You can have some when Daddy comes back from the bar. Now go and sit next to Grandad.’

‘Mum, Mum,’ Joey said, tugging her arm.

‘What’s the matter?’ Jess asked, as she noticed Joey was crying.

‘I think I’ve peed my pants.’

Ed reappeared at precisely the wrong moment. ‘What’s up?’ he asked, handing Jess her drink.

‘Nothing. I’m just going to take Joey to the toilet.’

‘I’ll take him. It’s about time he started using the gents,’ Eddie said, grabbing his son’s hand.

‘No. He thinks he’s had a little accident, Ed. Leave it to me and I’ll sort him out.’

Eddie looked at his son in disgust. ‘What’s the matter with you? You’re not a baby, you’re six years old. Why don’t you ask if you wanna go to the fucking toilet?’

Jessica picked up her sobbing son. ‘Don’t shout at him, Ed. He can’t help it.’

‘He’s a fucking embarrassment,’ Eddie hissed, as he headed back to the bar.

Stanley glanced at Joyce as Eddie walked away. Neither of them had heard the conversation, but both of them got the gist that their son-in-law wasn’t happy.

‘I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him, Joycie.’

‘Stanley, just drink your drink and shut your cakehole,’ Joyce ordered.

Uncle Reg arrived at quarter to eight.

‘Surprise!’ everyone shouted, as he shuffled in, embarrassed.

‘Fuck you, Harry. You know how I hate anything like this.’

Sylvie, Harry’s lady friend, had spent the morning decorating the hall with balloons, banners and old photographs of Reg.

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’Reg said as he clocked an enlarged image of himself as a spotty-faced teenager wearing an old army helmet.

Ed stood up the bar with Raymond, Ronny and Paulie. All four of them were in the mood for a party and were knocking the Scotch back like it was going out of style.

‘Where’s Jess?’ Ronny enquired.

‘Dunno, probably mollycoddling the fucking kids, as usual,’ Ed replied arrogantly.

Seeing Gary and Ricky nick someone’s beer, Eddie smiled. They were boys to be proud of. Not once had they ever shown him up by pissing themselves in public.

Stanley was frozen to his chair as he spotted Harry Mitchell strolling towards him with a bottle in his hand.

‘Joyce, Stanley, lovely to see you again. And how are my beautiful grandchildren?’ Harry said, patting the twins on the head.

Noticing Stanley flinch, Harry held up the bottle and smiled. ‘Champagne, anyone?’

‘Yes, please. I do like a drop of champers,’ Joyce said, in a silly posh voice.