Jed grabbed Frankie’s hand. They had eaten all their food and were ready to leave, anyway.

Never able to resist a parting shot, Jed grabbed the woman’s hand as he walked past her, and guided it towards his penis. ‘You’re only jealous, you old grunter. You want me and me cory for yourself, don’t ya?’ he taunted her.

‘Management! I demand you call the police. Never in my life have I been so insulted,’ the woman screamed.

Pissing themselves with laughter, Jed and Frankie ran from the restaurant.

Eddie was sitting opposite Raymond in Rosie’s Café along the A13.

‘Yous two are looking as handsome as ever, may I say,’ Rosie shouted out to them.

Rosie was a plump woman in her late fifties and Eddie always had a laugh with her. Rosie had a personality to die for and the biggest pair of tits he had ever seen in his life. ‘Rosie, put them knockers away, shut your trap and cook my fucking bacon,’ he shouted back.

Turning back to Raymond, Eddie filled him in on the plan. ‘So what we’re gonna do is turn up there when darkness falls in two separate motors. I want you to run in with a baseball bat and, if Jed starts, clump him over the head with it. Then I need you to drag Frankie out the trailer, shove her in the car and take her home.’

Raymond shook his head. ‘That ain’t gonna work. Your Frankie’s like a wild fucking cat. You don’t honestly think she’s gonna come out gracefully and sing to the radio on the way home, do ya?’

‘I’ve brought a load of rope with me. I know she’s my daughter, but you’re gonna have to tie her up. There’s a gag in me boot: stick that on her as well,’ Eddie told him.

Raymond’s face was a picture. ‘So where do you come into all this? And what am I meant to do with her when I get her home? What’s Jess gonna say when I bring her daughter home looking like an escape artiste?’

Eddie smirked. Raymond had cottoned on to his sense of humour over the years – so much so that he could probably give Eddie a run for his money now. ‘I’ve sorted everything. When you get home, Gary and Ricky will be there. I didn’t really want to get ’em involved in this one, but I had no choice. You can leave Frankie with them, they’ll take care of her. Then I want you to drive back to Tilbury to help me clear up what’s left of Jed.’

‘Surely Frankie’s gonna realise you’ve killed him. She’s got a will of her own, that girl. Say she starts blabbing to someone?’