‘No, you bloody well won’t. Them trousers have got pigeon shit all over ’em. Go upstairs and put your nice grey ones on.’

Stanley tutted, but knew better than to argue. ‘What am I meant to say to Jock? I’m meant to be meeting him at eleven to fly our pigeons,’ he moaned.

Joyce shook her head furiously. ‘You and Jock can get your cocks out any day. Now, chop-chop, Stanley. I’m not one to be kept waiting, you know that.’

‘Wicked old witch,’ Stanley spouted as he stomped up the stairs.

Back in Rainham, Frankie’s heart was beating nineteen to the dozen as she crouched down behind the big bush in her next-door neighbour’s front garden. ‘Move over a bit, Jed. Your legs are sticking out, someone will see you,’ she told her boyfriend.

Jed shook his head in disbelief. He loved his woman very much, but sometimes she had the brains of a rocking horse. ‘I’m telling you, Frankie, this is a stupid idea. Does it matter if your dad’s there? He’s gonna find out when your mum tells him, anyway. We should have done things my way, instead of sitting here like a pair of dinlos.’

Frankie said nothing. Jed had wanted to drive over to her parents, face them and tell them the news together, then load all her belongings onto his truck. Petrified of the fracas that was bound to happen, Frankie put her foot down. She had no doubt whatsoever that her dad would barricade her in the house, then smash both Jed and his new pick-up truck to smithereens.

Hearing the sound of an engine starting up, Frankie peered through the bushes just in time to see her dad’s Land Cruiser pull off the drive. ‘Right, me dad’s gone out. The only people in the house are me mum and possibly me Uncle Raymond. His car’s on the drive and I don’t think he was with me dad,’ she told Jed. She knew Joey was out, as she had seen him jump into a cab about half an hour ago.

‘Please let me come with you, Frankie. We’re getting married; your mother’s gonna think I’m a right div if I don’t face her like a man,’ Jed pleaded, as Frankie stood up.

Frankie shook her head. ‘You don’t wanna come in while me Uncle Raymond’s there. He’s me father’s henchman, so he’s bound to kick off. I promise you, once the initial shock’s worn off, you can meet me mum. Today, though, I need to talk to her alone.’

Watching Frankie walk away, Jed made a decision. He didn’t like the sound of Uncle fucking Raymond and if Frankie weren’t back in half an hour, he was going in there, whether his girlfriend liked it or not.