‘I can’t sit in there with your father. Been doing my head in all weekend, he has. Just got himself a new cock, ain’t he? It’s all he talks about. Called it Willie, he has, as a tribute to Willie Carson. I mean, how can you call a cock Willie? Ain’t normal, is it, Jess?’

Jessica burst out laughing. Her mother was hilarious and she didn’t even realise it.

‘There you are! Is Joey still in bed?’ Jessica asked, as Frankie suddenly appeared.

Kissing her nan, Frankie flopped onto a chair. She didn’t want to be stuck in all day – she wanted to be out with Jed, but wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. ‘Joey’s getting up now, Mum. I know we’re having dinner and all that, but do you mind if I go out afterwards?’

Jessica felt her hackles rise. Frankie was always out lately and Jessica barely saw her. Sometimes she stayed out all night and Jessica had a feeling that she had met a boy and was up to Christ knows what. ‘Will it hurt you to stay in for one day? Gary and Ricky are coming over, so are Raymond and Polly. This is meant to be a celebration for you and Joey leaving school.’

‘Yeah, I know and I do appreciate it, but it’s one of my friend’s birthdays today and we’re all meant to be going bowling. Please say I can go, Mum. I haven’t got to go till after dinner.’

‘Do as you like, Frankie, I don’t care any more,’ Jessica said bluntly. Her daughter was a selfish little cow and she was beginning to lose patience with her behaviour.

As Joey walked in, Frankie slunk into the lounge to see her grandfather.

‘Mum, Joey, go and sit in the front room. I’ll be in meself in a minute,’ Jessica said. Her kitchen was enormous, but somehow people still managed to get under her feet.

Stanley told the twins all about his new cock. ‘My Willie’s a beauty. Faster than the speed of light, he is. My mates down at the pigeon club are so jealous. Two of ’em have already tried to buy him off me. They say he’s the best cock they’ve ever seen.’

Frankie giggled. ‘I’m sure Joey would like to see him, Grandad. He likes pigeons, especially cocks. Don’t you, Joey?’

‘Really? Why don’t I pick you up in the week, Joey? You can come round and see him,’ Stanley enthused.

‘That would be lovely, Grandad,’ Joey lied, glaring at his sister.

Deciding to get his own back, Joey turned to his nan. ‘Do you think our Frankie looks like a gypsy, Nan? We was in a pub the other day and this travelling girl came up to us. She said she was positive that our Frankie had a bit of gypsy in her.’