Terry fancied himself as a Robert De Niro type. He and Rob were two of a kind, they sang from the same hymn sheet.

As the buzzer rang, Terry opened the security door automatically. His son, Darren, often stayed of a night, so he left the front door on the latch for him and sat back down. Engrossed in the bit where De Niro actually rapes the bird, Terry barely looked up as the front door closed. ‘I’m starving – you brought any grub home with you, Dal?’ he shouted out.

‘The Chinese was shut, so I brought this round to fill you up,’ Eddie whispered, as he yanked Terry’s head back and stuck the barrel of a gun down the back of his throat.

Not knowing that her husband was currently playing cowboys and Indians, Jessica tried Joey’s mobile number repeatedly. Eddie had popped out to take the dogs for a run and she desperately needed to warn her son. ‘Please answer, son, please answer,’ she prayed out loud.

Finally, God looked down on her.

‘Whatever’s wrong, Mum? Has something happened? I’m busy,’ Joey exclaimed in annoyance.

Joey had just been having a bit of the other and the constant ringing of the phone was preventing him from reaching a climax.

‘Joey, you need to come home right now, son. Your dad knows. Someone told him about Dominic. Now, don’t worry, I’ve got you out of it, but I’ve told him you’ve got a new girlfriend. Ring up a girl mate and bring her round tomorrow for tea.’

Joey’s hands shook so much he could barely hold the weight of his phone. ‘Who am I gonna ring? Apart from Frankie’s mates, I don’t really mix with any girls.’

Jessica spoke forcefully to him. ‘I don’t care who you ring or who you know, Joey, but make sure you bring a girl round here tomorrow. I’ve just stuck my neck out for you and if your father finds out I’m lying, he’ll throttle the pair of us.’

Joey stared at his penis. His erection had deflated so much that it now resembled a burst balloon. ‘OK, Mum, I’ll find a girl. I’ll do it,’ he promised.

With eyes as wide as flying saucers, Terry Palmer tried to speak, but couldn’t. The gun was hurting his throat and was choking him. Aware of his own urine running down his legs, he began to beg.

Eddie slowly withdrew the gun from Terry’s throat. Smiling, he pointed it at his bollocks instead. ‘You got something to tell me about my Joey, have you, Terry?’

Petrified, Terry shook his head. ‘I don’t know anything, honest I don’t. Please don’t hurt me, Eddie, please.’