‘No, of course not. Sharon’s not his wife, she’s his girlfriend, the poor cow. Neither Paulie nor Reg have brought their other halves, either. I reckon they keep all their women shut in cupboards indoors. The only time I’ve ever seen ’em out is at weddings or funerals.’

Vicki smiled. ‘I wouldn’t put up with that, would you? I mean, I know Dougie usually leaves me and stands with the men, but that doesn’t bother me. I wouldn’t be left indoors all the time, though, would you?’

Jessica shook her head. ‘That’s one thing I must say about my Eddie. He can be a sod at times, but he’s always put me and the kids first. He’s a real family man, he is.’

Glancing back at Ronny, Vicki started to giggle again. ‘Do you reckon his todger works if he’s paralysed?’

Jessica burst out laughing. ‘Shut up, Vicki, for Christ’s sake. You’ve just put me off me piña colada.’

Joyce couldn’t help herself. Every time Polly and Raymond walked away, she reappeared by their side like a shadow. ‘So, how long has your father been in the jewellery business, Polly? Raymond says he has lots of shops. How many exactly has he got?’

Sighing at Polly, Raymond linked arms with his mother and gently led her away. ‘Mum, you’re going a bit over the top now. Polly’s come here to socialise, not be interrogated. Sit down and have a drink with Dad. You can meet Polly another time. Perhaps I’ll bring her round yours one day or something.’

‘That’ll be nice, dear,’ Joyce said, smiling.

Spotting what her husband had done, Joyce’s smile disappeared. ‘What the bloody hell have you got on your bonce? Take it off, Stanley.’

‘It’s only me handkerchief. The sun’s burning me scalp. It’s all right for you, you’ve got hair,’ Stanley moaned.

Joyce snatched the handkerchief off his head. ‘What will Polly think? You look like something out of It Ain’t Half Hot Mum, you silly old bastard!’

Stacey, Demi and Paige sat with their mouths wide open as Frankie told them all about her liaison with Jed.

‘So, was his willy big?’ Demi asked.

‘I suppose so. I dunno – I’ve never seen a real one before,’ Frankie replied giggling.

Seeing her brother, Dominic and Wesley heading their way, she told the girls to say no more.

‘I really like that Dominic. Can’t you put a word in for me?’ Stacey begged her.

If only she knew, Frankie thought as she nodded her head. ‘I’m going to the toilet and then I’ll get me dad to put some music on,’ she told the girls.

Eddie was busy on barbecue duty. ‘All right, sweetheart? Tell yours and Joey’s mates that the food’s ready now,’ he told Frankie.