‘Sorry, angel, I was in a dream world there,’ Ed said, as he unwrapped the Pringle jumper. ‘Thanks, kids,’ Eddie said, handing his wife a small velvet box.

Jessica opened it and squealed with delight. ‘Oh, Ed, it’s beautiful,’ she said, as she studied the diamond ring.

Joyce snatched it from her and showed it to Stanley. ‘Look, dear, a diamond ring. Better than them poxy slippers you bought me, don’t you think?’

With all the giving and receiving over, Eddie stood up. ‘I’m just gonna give my family a ring, then I’ll pour us some more drinks.’

Busy putting the wrapping paper into black bin liners, Jessica looked up. ‘Ring Ray for us, Ed, and bring the phone in here so Mum and Dad can talk to him.’

Eddie rang his dad first, but got no answer. He than rang Paulie. ‘Is the old man there yet?’ he asked his brother.

‘Nah. If he ain’t at home, then he’s probably over Mum’s grave or on his way,’ Paulie told him.

About to ring Raymond, Eddie was thrilled when the phone rang and it was Gary and Ricky in Tenerife. ‘Merry Christmas, Dad. Gary’s pissed already,’ Ricky said, laughing.

Eddie chuckled. ‘How you getting on? What’s the weather like?’

‘It’s fucking well hot, Dad. The apartment is the nuts and there’s plenty of crumpet out here. We’re gonna spend today on the beach with two little sorts we met yesterday,’ Ricky told him.

Gary snatched the phone from his younger brother. ‘I ain’t pissed, Dad, take no notice of him. He was well gone last night, you know what a lightweight he is.’

‘Where you having your Christmas dinner? Have you booked anywhere?’ Eddie asked Gary.

‘Nah. We ain’t gonna bother. It’s too hot for a roast, so we’ll have a barbecue on the beach instead. Listen, Dad, the pips are going, we’ll call you in a couple of days. Have a good one and give our love to –’

Eddie smiled as the money ran out. Gary and Ricky were obviously having a whale of a time, the lucky bastards.

Punching in Raymond’s mobile number, Eddie could tell that he was already at his girlfriend’s house. ‘What you talking all posh for, you wanker?’ he ribbed him.

‘I’m not. Don’t start all that tomorrow when we come over,’ Raymond whispered.

Eddie chuckled as he took the phone into the living room. Polly, Raymondo’s new bird, was a posh bit of stuff, by all accounts, and came from an extremely wealthy family.

‘The prodigal son,’ Eddie said, handing the phone to Joyce.

‘Hello, Raymond. Are you having a nice time, love? What’s their house like?’

‘Yep, I’m having a lovely time thanks, Mum,’ Raymond replied, ignoring her second question.

‘What’s the house like?’ Joyce prompted him once again.