Joey handed him a fiver and told him to keep the change. ‘I haven’t really got a boyfriend, mate. My sister has a lot of mental issues and tends to blurt out these things,’ he said, as he shoved Frankie out of the cab.

Seeing the driver’s bemused expression, Frankie couldn’t stop laughing. ‘Your face was a picture, Joey. I bet he goes back to his office and tells his colleagues he’s just picked up a shit-stabber and a nutcase.’

Joey didn’t share her warped sense of humour. He lit up two fags and handed her one. ‘How do you know?’ he asked bluntly.

Frankie took a long drag and blew the smoke in his face. ‘I’ve known for ages, you idiot. Don’t you remember that time around Simon’s house? You and David were upstairs going through his record collection and I sneaked up. I saw you leap apart from one another. It was obvious you’d been kissing!’

Joey didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He felt awkward that Frankie knew, but was also relieved that she did. ‘Does anybody else know? You won’t say anything to Mum and Dad, will you?’ he asked her.

Frankie threw him a sarcastic look. ‘Of course, I’m gonna tell ’em tomorrow. I’ll wait till we’re eating our Christmas dinner and hold a sausage on me fork while screaming out “Joey likes willies,” shall I?’

Joey laughed. He trusted Frankie and knew she wouldn’t dob him in it.

‘Have you, you know, done anything with him?’Frankie pried.

Joey smirked. ‘Well, sort of.’

Frankie was perplexed. ‘Like what?’

‘I’ll tell you all about it another time. Now come on, we’ll be late. I’ll race you to David’s house. Last one there’s a plonker.’

Jessica waited for Eddie to arrive home, and then brought out the buffet. ‘Mum, Dad, help yourselves,’ she urged.

Eddie pecked his little homemaker on the cheek. ‘What time did the kids go out?’

‘Just before six. They didn’t want to pay double fare. How was your day, love?’

Eddie smiled. Best he didn’t mention that he’d chopped someone’s thumb off. ‘It was good. I went to see me Auntie Joan, then popped in the Flag to have a drink with the rest of the family.’

‘Did you see your dad?’ Jessica asked.

‘Yeah. He looked tired, the old man. Said he’s had some agg with a few kids knocking on the door late at night. Reckons they’re potential burglars, knocking to see if there’s anyone at home. The silly little bastards obviously don’t know who me father is, do they? If they set one foot inside his property, me dad’ll fucking kill ’em,’ Eddie replied, laughing.

The buffet was beautifully presented and went down a treat.

‘That’s me done. Bleeding handsome, love,’ Joyce said, rubbing her stomach.