“For one thing, the Syndicate has strict rules about that. I’d need their approval—and I won’t get it, specifically because of their conflicting views on the Corrupter. And if I do it anyway … well, there are, in fact, fates worse than death, and those of us who don’t die easily can suffer the worst of them.” Jude shakes his head and gives me a beseeching look. “You don’t really know what you’re asking, August. You’d never see the sun again, you’d never see your parents. Eventually, you’d bury them, along with everyone else you know and love.” He sits back down heavily. “Gunnar wanted to Turn, too, you know. His life was dismal, and I couldn’t say no to him, even though I knew it was a mistake. And look how that turned out. He hates me now, and sooner or later, so would you.”

My voice is almost too rough to pass through my throat. “All I ever wanted was to get out of high school so I could live a normal life, like everyone else.”

“I’m sorry.” His expression is sincere, beautiful. “You know, Gunnar’s not the only one who remembers what it’s like to be mortal—who misses it. Everything is new: your first kiss, your first dance, your first time reading Emily Dickinson or trying foreign cuisine … It’s intoxicating and exciting.” He gazes out across the food court. “It’s what got me in trouble when I met him. I fell for Gunnar so hard, and Hecuba blew an absolute gasket when she found out I’d become involved with a mortal while out on assignment.”

“What happened between you two?” I ask, because I’ve got nothing to lose by being nosy at this point.

“Everything. Nothing.” Jude gives a listless shrug, lost in the past. “It’s all so hopelessly tangled now. But in the beginning, it was like seeing the world again for the first time.” He looks back at me again. “That’s what I want. Not a world where vampires and humans battle each other until the subjugation of one or the extinction of the other; not a world where the only alternative to a horrific end is a deathless existence until the end of time. I like the world.” He shrugs with an open, helpless smile. “And I liked kissing you. If we’d met under different circumstances, it could have been fun. Not the kind that would get me in trouble with Hecuba, but the kind where we would have kissed again. Maybe a lot.”

No matter what happens, tonight is about us. I’m running out of time for that future memory to take place, and I still don’t know what it means. Was it ever even real?