I think back to the bright waves of golden bliss I drew from the crowd last night, the honesty of the emotions that poured through me. Jude did want to kiss me—almost as much as he wanted to kiss Gunnar—and I helped him forget his reasons not to. “Okay, well, I’m not sure what we’re supposed to say here. I forgive you for kissing me if you forgive me for turning into a magical brain monster that made everybody horny. I was a mess—I’m always a mess—but that’s not why I came looking for you.”

“I see.” He scratches at the tabletop. “If this is about what else happened at the party last night, rest assured that—”

“I want to take a blood oath to the Syndicate.” I force the words out before I can swallow them forever, before I can think twice. He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me with shocked eyes, until I add, “I mean, before the Ascension can happen.”

“I know what you mean,” Jude says softly, “but do you?”

“If I do this, it means I’m committed, right? Magically?” I try to remember what Daphne told me when I described my vision of Gunnar and the bowl of blood. “I make a promise that I can’t break, even if … I die?”

“It means your body is bound to your word, so long as the same blood is in your veins,” he answers, his brows knitting together with … concern? Suspicion? “It could potentially mean that you’d be indenturing the Corrupter to the Syndicate’s whims. Forever.”

“But the Syndicate doesn’t want true immortality.” I pick at my sleeves, my fingers shaking. “You told me all that stuff about severed heads and body parts living forever … and your whole thing is maintaining a balance between mortals and the undead, right? Punishing vampires who step out of line, and all that stuff?”

“I…” He struggles for a moment, rotating his coffee cup a little faster. “That’s the mission statement at the moment, yes.”

“All I want is for my parents to be safe,” I whisper, my voice lumpier than oatmeal. “If there’s no way to stop this thing, then I want to make sure it can’t hurt anyone I care about. Rasputin killed Daphne last night, and he kidnapped my parents. If you can promise that the Syndicate will save them and protect them, then I’ll take the oath.” Tears heat my eyes and spill over. “I mean, let’s be honest, you know? I’m not getting a happy ending. The best way this goes for me is I don’t feel it when the end comes. But people I love will be left behind and I don’t want them to suffer, either.”