I realize how I must sound to her. Weak and scared, not at all like the alien hero she portrayed in that video. I’m embarrassed by how I’m acting. Alone for the first time since the attack in New York, without constant skirmishes to distract me, with things finally slowed down enough for me to think—the result is me breaking down while on the phone with my girlfriend. We’ve been in bad situations before, fought some brutal battles and seen friends die. But, until now, I’ve never felt hopeless.

When I’m silent for a few moments, Sarah continues, her voice gentle. “I can’t imagine what it was like to be in New York during . . . that. I can’t imagine what you’re going through—”

“It was my fault it happened,” I tell her quietly, glancing to the tent flap in case someone outside might overhear. “I could’ve killed Setrákus Ra at the UN. I had time to prepare for this invasion. And I failed.”

“Oh, John. You cannot possibly blame yourself for New York,” Sarah replies, her tone understanding but insistent. “You are not responsible for the murderous rampage of an alien psycho, okay? You were trying to stop him.”

“But I didn’t.”

“Yeah, and neither did anyone else. So either all of us are equally to blame, or maybe it’s the evil Mogadorian’s fault and we can leave it at that. Your guilt isn’t going to bring anyone back, John. But you can avenge them. You can stop Setrákus Ra from doing it again.”

I laugh bitterly. “That’s just it. I don’t know how to stop him. It’s too much.”

“We’ll find a way,” Sarah replies, and her certainty almost convinces me. “We’ll do this together. All of us.”

I rub my hands over my face, trying to get myself together. Sarah’s telling me exactly what I need to hear. As usual, I know she’s right, at least on a logical level. But that doesn’t loosen the knot of guilt tying up my guts, or make the future seem any less overwhelming.

“They look at me like a hero,” I say, scoffing. “I walk around this camp and the soldiers, the survivors, everyone looks at me like I’m some kind of superman. They don’t know—”

“I guess my video really worked,” Sarah quips, trying to lighten the mood. “They look at you that way because you are a hero, John.”