I miss him so much. One day without him and I feel emptier inside than I’ve ever been.

After that, I keep my eyes glued to the presentation, horrifying as it is, and Nathan doesn’t try to get my attention again. We stand with the rest of the class when it’s over and shuffle up the stairs and outside.

“Do you want to get together tonight and work on our presentation? Gotta make sure it’s not going to be as painful as that one was.” His voice is light, but I can see the uneasiness in his posture.

“I don’t think we need to. We’re ready.”

He shoves his hands in his pockets and nods. “Alright. Well, can I see you tonight anyway?”

Falling back into a routine with Nathan would be easy, but it still hurts too much. “I can’t. I’ll text you later. Okay?”

I start to walk away, and he calls after me. “Wait. I have something for you.”

I turn to find his hand outstretched and a piece of folded paper with my name scribbled on top. “I know I screwed up and I know that I don’t deserve you, but I’m going to keep trying anyway.” He places it in my hand and leaves me standing on the sidewalk staring after him.

When I get back to my dorm, I collapse on my bed and open the note. My heart flutters at the sight of the page nearly completely filled with his small, messy penmanship. There’s something intimate and special about a handwritten letter.

Surfer Princess,

Yesterday I was going to drown my sorrows in a fifth of Jack and do everything I could to forget about the mess I made. It’s what I did before I met you. Numb the pain and sting of failure until it felt trivial.

Then you came along.

The way you looked at me that first night made me believe I wasn’t really the guy I’d become. That the clusterfuck of my life was just crappy circumstances and plain bad luck. I lied to myself because what I really didn’t want to admit was that I was scared you wouldn’t like me if you knew the truth about who I was.

I don’t know how things would be different if I had, but I hope that I’m not too late.

When I was nine, I told our next-door neighbor that things were really bad at home and my parents were fighting a lot just so she’d feel sorry for me and let me come over and watch cable any time I wanted.